


starved

by JayMaySay



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Ben Hargreeves is Alive, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force-Feeding, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Hurt/Comfort, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, Pogo is Alive, Running Away, ben gives Klaus hugs, ben will forever be the best sibling to klaus, but they do mean well, careless siblings, feeding tube, grace is alive, klaus and ben are the best of brothers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-03-29 16:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19023340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayMaySay/pseuds/JayMaySay
Summary: klaus was... he was trying. he had helped his siblings stop the apocalypse and now they were all living together. however, it was hard living when all he felt like was dying.orklaus hargreeves has an eating disorder and his siblings think they can help him. it's a complete disaster





	1. dismissing

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i made this story based on past experiences and because we all believe klaus was pretty homeless and money-less during the near two decades after leaving reginald's house of horrors. he must've developed some disorders.
> 
> um, i'm not good with summaries or explaining, but klaus angst right? 
> 
> please, enjoy : )

they don’t know how they managed to do it, but they averted the apocalypse, restored the umbrella academy house, and raised ben from the dead. nothing happened to pogo or grace, and neither knew they had actually died. they assumed it was simply another day.

the whole ben thing was a shock and five couldn’t explain without using his scientific terms that made the others’ heads spin. somehow they messed with the timeline and ben was saved along with the world.

luther, diego, five, ben, allison, and klaus resided in the house, while vanya stayed at her apartment. it was wiser to give her space away when she got overwhelmed and she still taught to kids. diego moved out from the boiler room and allison was staying until she healed, both physically and with her bonds with her siblings. luther, five, ben, and klaus had nowhere else to go.

to stop a second apocalypse, the siblings offered to help vanya control her powers in any way they could. so for the last two months, that’s what they had been doing. luther was atoning for his mistakes, making it up to them for doing every wrong ever. diego and vanya’s relationship was blooming, along with allison and vanya. five was helping her and focusing on keeping the commission off their backs. ben was enjoying his time alive, eating everything he loved, watching movies klaus couldn’t afford to see at the time of their release, and conversing as much as he could with his siblings

and klaus… he was trying.

sobriety wasn’t easy, even after two months. he itched for a hit when they were so overwhelming he couldn’t sleep with all their screaming. he never knew who was alive or dead sometimes, so he ignored everyone on the street. they were everywhere sometimes in the house, so he hid up in his room or took a walk to get away or took a bath. with five’s assassination history, the ghosts didn’t only terrorize him, but also his ignorant, clueless brother. with their childhood of killing assailants and robbers, few haunted the others. no one, but that creep leonard peabody, or harold jenkins or whatever haunted vanya, but he never screamed, only stared like a creep. he had no control, especially now that he couldn’t control when they could touch him. like he didn’t have enough trauma already.

but despite his misery, he put a smile on when around his siblings. he acted like nothing was wrong. he acted like there wasn’t a man behind vanya as she eagerly explained her latest training with five. he acted like the hammer in the man’s head wasn’t frightening or distracting.

until he took a quick glance at the ghost, but that was a mistake because then there was yelling and klaus winced, wanting so desperately to shut his hands over his ears. after all these years, he was surprised he wasn’t deaf.

“what the hell, klaus?” five snapped from next to vanya, startling klaus.

“what?” he asked with confused innocent, green eyes wide.

“were you even listening to vanya?” the boy asked with a sneer.

offended, klaus exclaimed, “of course, i was! she was telling me how she only broke two glasses instead of five.”

vanya and five shared a look, before the latter glared at him. “that was almost five minutes ago. she was telling you about her music,” he said.

klaus’s eyes widened, then he looked down shamed. he must’ve been paying attention to the guy still shouting his revenge behind five and seven. he was just so gross and loud.  
“uh, sorry, van,” the medium murmured, nursing the half drunk cup of coffee in front of him. an addiction switch.

“hey, it’s okay,” the sister reassured. “where did you go?”

side glance at the man before his gaze dipped back down to the coffee full of cream, unlike five’s bitter black coffee. “i was here the whole time,” he answered. he missed having ben next to him, teasing him and making fun of him or telling him what they were talking about so he didn’t make a fool of himself. there were too many times his eyes drifted to a spot, only to remember that ben was breathing and alive and spending time with diego.

“oh,” vanya hesitated. “was it… them?”

after summoning ben in the theatre, his siblings went from disbelief of klaus’s powers to a mild understanding. only ben truly knew the hell he went through. it was worse with the longer he went sober.

“you could say that,” klaus muttered.

the three fell into silence before mom strutted in with that ever present smile. “hello, children! shall i make you a nice breakfast?” she offered, hands daintily folded in front of her skirt.

“some eggs, please,” vanya answered.

“toast,” five said simply, sipping his own cup of coffee.

klaus stood, holding his mug in a white knuckled grip. “i’ll pass, mom,” he told her, beginning to exit the room.

“don’t forget to come down for lunch!” she called. “i’m making turkey sandwiches!”

klaus didn’t turn around, simply throwing a wave with his ‘goodbye’ hand.

* * *

a bath. it was just a bath. something he had nearly every day. there was no difference. he had his bubbles, he had his music, and no one was in the house. for once, the voices weren’t assaulting his ears.

so he might’ve gotten five hours of sleep in the last three days. pogo wouldn’t let him touch the sleeping pills either, so he was pretty tired. so tired that the lack of screams and warm water soothed him and made his eyelids heavy.

he was at peace for the first time in weeks, but it broke like glass, shattering everything as he was physically dragged out. he sputtered, blinking away the water and bubbles that fell into his eyes. water was still draining from his ears, making voices muffled. he felt hands under his arms and some on his face. his vision cleared, finding allison in front of him with a worried but angry look on her face. he glanced back and found ben holding him above the water.

“what the hell were you thinking?” ben demanded, settling klaus back into the tub. “you could’ve died.”

the medium scoffed, rolling his eyes over to the bubbles, away from the crossed and disappointed look on his brother’s face. “you should know by now that death doesn’t exactly accept me,” he commented, then glanced up at allison when her pen tapped the tub.

WHAT DID YOU TAKE

“nothing!” he exclaimed, on the defensive. “pogo won’t even let me take sleeping pills.”

ben moved to sit beside allison and more in klaus’s view. “why…? are you having nightmares again?”

the pale brother shrugged. “Like they ever stopped,” he muttered.

allison was writing again, scribbling loudly.

“klaus-”

“has nightmares like everyone else,” he cut ben off from explaining to allison, glaring at him. it wasn’t like allison could do anything about them. only drugs could, and control, but he didn’t have either.

allison sighed audibly, before writing CAN YOU COME OUT?

klaus raised an eyebrow. “you want me out? right now? allison, you dirty girl. i thought you only had the hots for luther.”

she threw a disgusted look while blushly hotly. WHEN I LEAVE! YOU’RE SHIVERING. worry shifted onto her face.

it was then that klaus noticed the shivering and the biting cold against his exposed skin. “i suppose it’s been long enough.”

allison nodded, happy he was listening to her for once. she got up to leave, but not before dropping a note. DINNER IN 10. then it was the deathly duo, klaus both mad at ben, but also wanting him to tell him that it was okay and hold him because he could do that now.

“you’re an idiot,” ben commented lowly, grabbing a towel from the closet. okay, not what he was expecting or wanting. he held the towel open for klaus.

the seance huffed, but slowly stood, using the tub as support. he was a little weak in the knees, nearly dropping back into the water if ben hadn’t been there to grab him.

“you nearly died… again. you’ll be a little dizzy,” six said, helping klaus out after the towel went around his chest. there was no privacy between the two. ben had seen all there was to see about klaus and klaus wasn’t exactly shy about seeing ben. they were ungodly close. the two shuffled to klaus’s room, the owner leaning heavily on ben.

“i didn’t mean to,” klaus muttered as he flopped onto his mattress.

“i know,” ben said, moving to his clothes drawer. “when was the last time you really slept?”

“what constitutes it as really sleeping?” ben sent him a look that said he wasn’t playing as he threw him a pullover hoodie. “right, right, sorry. no more games. uh… several days ago? weeks? you know, they’re really fucking loud.”

ben sighed, grabbing a pair of black leggings and underwear. “why didn’t you come to me?” he said, handing over the fabric. uncaring, klaus changed, ben glancing away at certain moments, before his hard eyes were watching his brother like a hawk.

“benji, my dearest, undead brother. you don’t have to worry about me anymore,” klaus answered, lightly holding the sides of his face with a sweet smile. “you can now worry about what new foods you are going to have or whatever movie you’re going to rent tonight or that little beast that is persistent inside you. i’m fine! look at me! i never felt any better!”

he stopped his spinning and his smile dropped as he coughed roughly into his sleeves, hand over his mouth. his face pinched in pain. ben was in front of him instantly, setting him down on the edge of the bed and rubbing his back until the fit was over.

“oh, yea, definitely better,” ben sarcastically snapped.

“sobriety isn’t as easy as coming back from the dead,” klaus countered, panting to find his breath again.

“why don’t you get some sleep? i’ll see if pogo has some medicine you can take,” ben said, guiding his brother to lay down and pulling the covers over his lanky form.

klaus pulled a face. “that liquid shit makes me wanna gag.”

“well, it would be the only thing you can take for awhile,” six said, brushing stray hairs away from his brother’s face. klaus leaned into the touch, savoring every moment he had contact with ben after over a decade of nothing. “i’ll be right back. close your eyes.”  
the medium whined, but nonetheless, buried his face into his pillow and shut his eyes, taking deep breathes. no one had come to haunt him yet and he was taking advantage of it.

* * *

wow, it had to be his lucky day. he woke up to vanya and luther arguing (he was still surprised vanya could raise her voice that loudly) about vanya and her powers as per usual, but when he was going to go back to sleep, which had only been three hours, a ghostly couple had to start arguing. the man was accusing his dead wife of being a slut and she was accusing him of having a kid with another woman. she said she saw pictures with him and a kid she didn’t recognize. he argued it was a cousin’s kid, but she said they hadn’t seen any of their cousins in ages. the yelling continued after that and klaus had no desire to listen or egg them on. he wanted them to shut up.

then luther called a family meeting during breakfast, barging into klaus’s room, pulling the pillow he had over his ears, and announcing it rather loudly. it increased the pain in klaus’s skull, but luther didn’t take notice or sympathy when he saw his brother wince. he simply ordered him to be down in five and left.

klaus groaned, sitting up and clasping his hands over his ears in replace of the pillow.

“there wasn’t anyone!”

“what about that girl from high school, huh? brittany? the only one you always talk about?”

“because i followed her on facebook!”

new age couple, painful.

“would you both just shut the fuck up!” klaus growled out, glaring at the two. it was the first time he had paid attention to them since they started.

“stay out of this, klaus!” it was weird hearing them say his name like mommy and daddy were fighting and he was the kid trying to talk to them while they were angry.

“can’t you take this, oh i don’t know, somewhere else?” he snapped. “because hearing mommy and daddy fighting is scaring me.”

“no!” the two shouted again in unison, then continued their shouting match.

klaus huffed, standing from his bed and shuffling to his door. if he wasn’t downstairs in the five minute timeframe luther gave him, the big ape man would come back up to drag his ass downstairs. he learned that one the hard way.

so he sat next to ben at the table, ghost couple moving about the room as luther stood at the head and all the siblings sitting at the table. mom had something sizzling in a pan and cooking in the toaster. he hoped they were waffles. the ghost couple moved to throw things at each other in their frustration, but when they came up empty, they hissed at klaus before hissing at their significant other. it was a painful, annoying cycle.

klaus didn’t know who to pay attention to either. he knew he should pay attention to luther, who would scold him and gain that look of disappointment on his face that klaus soaked up like a sponge with water. however, lucy and ricky were still screaming over his brother’s annoying voice.

“would you shut up!” he finally sneered. “no one cares!”

“excuse me?” luther’s voice was the first one to say anything and he sounded highly offended.

“no, no, no, not you, brother dear,” klaus quickly explained, rubbing his temple in annoyance.

“if it’s the ghosts, just block them out,” the blond sibling said, as though that was going to help klaus shut lucy and ricky up, who were back at it again, this time on the other side of the room.

“Oh, yes, because it’s that easy,” klaus answered sarcastically, but thick headed luther didn’t quite catch it.

“good. now, don’t interrupt me again.”

he slammed his head into the table with frustration as luther continued with whatever he was saying that klaus couldn’t follow. he felt a hand on his back and knew it was ben, who was probably looking at him with sympathy.

“klaus!”

woah, deja vu? he sat up quickly, ignoring the black stars that coated his vision for several seconds. “yea?”

“will you do it?”

uh, do what?

ben turned to him, face soft as he explained, “they want you to talk to dad again.”

if klaus had a drink in his mouth, he would’ve done a spit take. instead, he laughed. “are you kidding me?”

“we need a few questions answered and he’s the only one who knows them,” luther explained.

“do you remember how i talked to dad the last time?” the seance asked.

“you were able to summon and talk to him,” the blond responded with a simple shrug and pinched eyebrows.

“no-”

“dad didn’t exactly answer my questions the last time i saw him,” klaus stated, stopping ben from explaining what really happened when klaus talked to dear dead dad. he glared sharply at klaus, who hissed back warningly. “what makes you think he’s going to now?”

“well, we have to at least try,” vanya said, quiet from her spot on the other side of the table, far from luther.

THERE’S NO OTHER WAY, allison wrote on her pad of paper.

diego, bless his soul, glanced warily at his pale brother. “if you’re not up to this, i’m sure we can find another way,” he said.

“we don’t need clues. we need the answers straight from the source,” five butted in, sipping at his coffee.

ben put his hand on klaus’s shoulder and brought his ear close to his mouth to whisper, “if you can’t do this, which i’m pretty sure you can’t, you need to tell them that.”

but he shook his head with an easy smile. “benji, you heard them. there’s only one way to do this. so get me a gun, or pill, or a knife and we can get this party started,” he said, a little too loudly.

“wait,” vanya started, leaning forward in her seat with a questioning look on her face. “what do you mean?”

mask in place, klaus smiled reassuringly towards his sister. “nothing, love. don’t worry about it.” he stood and bowed to the six of them. “i’ll go talk to daddy dearest.”

“here’s the list of questions,” luther said, holding out a piece of paper with chicken scratch on it. klaus snatched it, smile and gesture cold as his fingers.

“but klaus dear, you haven’t had breakfast,” mom said as he strutted out.

“i’ve got something to do, mother.”

* * *

 

“what the hell are you doing here?”

klaus turned and grinned when he saw the little girl on the bike again. she had a deep look of annoyance on her face. “that’s no way to greet a good friend.” he shivered. “remind me to never say that line again.”

“you’re not supposed to be here,” she continued, voice cold and eyes hard.

“yes, yes, i honestly don’t want to be here as much as you don’t want me here. i’m here to please my brothers and sisters.”

god furrowed her thin eyebrows. “you’re still trying to win their approval? you know your siblings are as stubborn as mules.”

“yes, but they needed me,” klaus defended weakly and even he knew it was pathetic.

“and yet they still treat you like gum on their shoes,” she said, but sighed heavily. “just make it quick. i want you back as soon as possible.”

“trust me, i’m not looking forward to this either, baby doll.”

* * *

 

he gasped, back arched against the floor of his room, before he collapsed, turning over and throwing up into his trash bin. he pulled away and placed his hand on his chest, finding no wound and no blood. the knife lay slick with blood on the floor where he had been laying, the only sign of his death.

his green eyes danced around his room and his heart sank when he only found the ghost couple and a few stragglers in the space. the couple weren’t screaming anymore, only staring at him, head tilted in confusion.

klaus shuddered, pulling himself off the floor and stumbling out. everything was spinning like he was a bowling ball going down the lane. he needed to get these answers to his siblings however.

“diego!” he shouted, hoping to earn someone’s attention so he didn’t have to go far. “ally!”

nothing. He whimpered, feeling his legs almost collapse beneath him. had they really left him when he was getting information for them? had they gone out to the store? to griddy’s?

“master klaus?”

the man turned, relief flooding through his system when he found pogo limping up to him with that cane clicking the floor. anxiousness coated the monkey’s face as he took in the state of the fourth umbrella child.

“are you alright, master klaus?”

he waved him off, pretending like he was fine if he stopped leaning so heavily against the wall and he hadn’t come back from the dead for the a hundredth time. “dandy like a piece of candy. hey, speaking of which, where are my dearest, sweet siblings?”

a puzzled look crossed pogo’s face. “they have gone out to test miss vanya’s powers. i thought you would be with them.”

yea, you and me both, pogo bogo, klaus thought bitterly, but a goofy grin peeled across his lips. “nah, i was resting. didn’t feel too well after breakfast this morning.”

pogo didn’t comment on the fact that klaus didn’t have any, which the man was grateful for because he really didn’t want to get into that conversation. he simply gave him a look of pity and a nod. “well, i hope you feel better, master klaus, and you’re always welcomed to take liquid medicine under my supervision if you need it.”

klaus lazily saluted the monkey as he turned away and hobbled back down the hall, probably to read or watch some old security footage or whatever he did. klaus… well, he found himself bored instantly. luckily, there was no ghostly couple screaming profanities back and forth, only a few lazy souls floating around. with five out of the house, it was calmer than usual. he loved his brother, god bless him, but it was awful to see how many people the fifty-eight year old had taken from the world.

speaking of the dead, he could try to conjure the one person he wants to see. he didn’t usually get downtime and a quiet house very often, so it was the perfect opportunity.  
when the other six arrived home with chinese take-out, klaus greeted them in the kitchen like he hadn’t been screaming and crying in frustration and grief for hours. he also pretended like his heart didn’t get smashed in by a hammer when luther said they forgot to get him any food.

he smiled and dismissed it, saying he wasn’t all that hungry anyways, that he had some food before they got home. he stayed while they ate, ignoring the nausea that rose when the aroma filled heavily in his nose and settled in his stomach. he relayed everything he got out of their dad, which wasn’t much from the dead prick, when he visited the barber shop. he forwent telling them the whole thing, making them think he simply conjured reggie in his bedroom instead of stabbing himself in the stomach. reggie demanded a lot of him finding his full potential again, but said he was shocked to hear that he managed to conjure six and his horror together, before vaguely answering klaus’s questions.

“that’s all you got from him?” luther questioned with a lot of unmasked irritation, making klaus’s chest twist.

“the selfish bastard is stubborn even in the afterlife,” klaus excused, waving his ‘goodbye’ hand around.

“did he say anything else?”

“besides the usual spiel of being a disappointment and finding my full potential and your questions, no.”

“alright, we’ll have to work with that.”

no ‘thank you, klaus, for using the power you hate so much to find answers we need. thank you for doing something that scares the living dickens out of you. thank you for doing it in the first place’. just that they’ll have to work with what they have.

klaus rolled his eyes, pushing down the hot, boiling anger in favor of turning to his smaller sister. he talked to vanya instead about the progress they were making. she adamantly talked about how she could make designs out of the field by blowing the grass in certain directions. they were shaky, but it was progress.

he was happy that she was happy and excited to finally be included and feel like she was ‘normal’ in their family, not the outcast.

he was happy that he took that role from her.

* * *

 

ben sauntered into his room, eyes worried. “did you really do it?”

klaus looked up from the magazine he was reading. he scoffed. “have a little faith in me, benny? it took awhile, but dad managed to come through.”

ben was a little suspicious, crossing his arms. “you haven’t even been able to conjure… you know, but you managed dad?”

klaus got up, shrugging. “stubborn bastard almost didn’t get here. said something about being busy. although he’s as dead as a doornail, so i don’t know what he’s doing,” he answered. the anxious look didn’t leave ben’s face, so he smiled and patted his cheek. “i’m fine, ben. nothing happened,” he lied easily.

either ben didn’t catch it or didn’t feel like arguing. he nodded, a little ‘okay’ escaping his mouth before tugging klaus to his bed. the two laid down side by side.

ben was always there when klaus used his powers, just like klaus had done for ben when they were younger. they’d lay down in either’s bed and lay silent together until they fell fast asleep.

it didn’t help that klaus had really died that day so he was beyond exhausted and ben’s idle fingers running through his curly hair.

* * *

 

“diiiiieeegoo~” klaus sung out, holding out the first syllable as he rounded the corner of the drawing room. he found two cleaning a set of his knives at the bar. klaus skipped over to the side with the liquor, leaning his head onto his hands with his elbows on the table. “hello, dearest brother.”

diego lifted an eyebrow. “what do you want, klaus?”

he ignored the sharp pang that went through his chest. annoying, a ghost whispered to his right, voicing the emotion on diego’s face.

“i was wondering if you would take me to the store,” he said, giving him his widest, prize winning grin.

diego was still suspicious, laying down his knives and staring intently at klaus. “what for?” he asked suspiciously.

“oh, just the essentials. salty chips, tasty cakes, pick n’ mix,” klaus answered easily.

diego’s face twisted roughly in confusion. “pick and what?”

“i need sweets, dee,” the lanky brother said sharply. his fingers shook slightly. two and a half months and he was still struggling. “i need a fix.”

probably the wrong word to say because diego was instantly turning away and saying no. “i’m not helping you with your addiction.”

“wha-” klaus sputtered, rounding the bar to quickly follow after the leather-clad brother. “i’m not high! i need sugar, sweets, the junkiest of foods you can imagine!”

“what for?” diego repeated, a knife pointed dangerously close to klaus, but his heart never bounced in fear. it hadn’t for a long time.

“because it’s either that or drugs,” he stated simply.

diego relented, fishing out his keys and stomping to his car. klaus floated behind him excitedly. he almost jumped into the backseat when he remembered there was only one of him now. he didn’t need the other seat for his dead company, so he shuffled into the passenger seat and messed with the radio.

diego was hesitant to let klaus go into the store alone, so he followed after locking the car. he’d be a few feet away, not wanting the medium to know he didn’t trust him enough to go into the store alone. however, like his brother explained, he went to the candy aisle and got oreos, chocolate chip cookies, gummy worms, and chocolate. then he snatched white puffs, wavy chips, and popcorn from the chip aisle, stashing all in the little basket on his arm. he seemed happy with his findings, a little skip in his step, but it lacked his usual enthusiasm. he seemed almost tired or stoic in a way.

diego wondered for a brief second if everything was alright with klaus. they had been paying a lot of attention to vanya and diego couldn’t remember the last time he really had a conversation with his brother. he knew klaus was fine, probably figuring out his own powers after the whole theatre incident and being able to conjure ben. it probably made him exhausted which kept him in his room all day.

but the thought was gone instantly as klaus went up to some guy, slightly older with dark hair, smiling brightly and conversing. the man went from unimpressed to surprised to pleased. he gave klaus a proud grin, which the man soaked up, before shaking his hand and bringing him into a hug.  


to anybody else, it was a sweet thing.

to diego, it was a bad thing.

he assumed the man was secretly giving his brother drugs through the handshake, a hug hiding the exchange from his view. he saw red, clenching his jaw and fleeing the store to his car. he sat there for several minutes, taking deep breaths and trying not to stab a knife through his radio.

klaus popped the backdoor open, clumsily putting his three bags of junk on the seat, before moving to the front. a happy smile was on his lips, something that wasn’t seen often, but it fell instantly when he took in the state of his knife wielding brother.

“dee? everything okay?” klaus asked. “you look like someone shit in the backseat then painted with it.”

“did he give you anything?” diego asked.

klaus’s eyebrows furrowed. “what are you talking about?” he sounded genuinely perturbed.

“that man. did you buy anything off of him?” he questioned sharply.

“no! no! wait- did you follow me into the store?” silence was his answer and he laughed bitterly, leaning his head against the cold window. “i can’t fucking believe you didn’t trust me enough to go into a store.”

“you said you needed a fix.”

“a candy fix! a sweet fix! a fucking craving!” klaus snapped. “the girls get it all the time. what’s wrong with me getting one?”

“the only fixes you’ve ever had in your life is drugs,” diego stated hotly.

“i’ve been clean for two and a half months, diego!” the seance choked, voice cracking at the emotion welling in his throat. it was burning anger, aching his chest, burning his eyes, making him sweat. “the sweets are a substitute for drugs. the man was my rehab counselor. every time i was out, he’d give me my coin and expected me to stay sober. he wasn’t too happy when i kept going back. but i finally got to tell him that i was sober and you know what? he was the first fucking person to congratulate and be proud of me. he believed me. he said he could see the difference. if you don’t believe me, go to the rehab center on fifth and franklin and ask for bobby.”

diego was at a lost for words. he didn’t really expect klaus to be sober. he sure hoped, but after decades of being high or drunk, after decades of getting phone calls at two in the morning with his voice singing or crying or simply murmuring random things, after decades of dealing with his nonsense, he didn’t believe he could do it.

klaus didn’t stay for a response, shoving open the car door, slamming it and walking away. he shoved his hands into his coat pockets and strutted off down the sidewalk.

diego felt shitty. it wasn’t a strong shitty, but he felt bad that he accused his brother of buying.

he didn’t chase after his brother, deciding that space was needed, and went back home. he put all the food klaus bought (with what money he didn’t know) into his designated cupboard.

none of it was touched.

* * *

 

another night of nightmares. another night of hearing their screams and shrieks. another night of not sleeping.

klaus sat in his bed, knees drawn up for hours, trying to calm his increasing anxiety and push away the voices of the dead. he couldn’t bother any of his siblings like he had done when they were kids. they were adults now and had to handle their own problems alone. plus, he was sure they were all exhausted from the last few weeks dealing with their own issues and they needed their sleep.

the longer he stayed in his room, the more claustrophobic he felt, despite its size. he shoved his covers off, threw on a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt, and stumbled out of his room to the kitchen.

he had only planned on sitting in the room, relishing in its cool atmosphere compared to the heat that burned him after having a nightmare.

however, as soon as he stepped through the giant hole in the wall, he jumped back when blue light flashed in the dark space of the kitchen.

“christ on a cracker!” he hissed, hand on his heart. “what the hell, five?”

five didn’t say anything as he flipped on the switch and light assaulted their eyes. he was instantly on the coffee press, gathering water and coffee beans for a brew.

“what are you doing up?” klaus asked, as he settled on the kitchen table, putting his legs on a chair.

“i could ask you the same thing,” five countered, not looking up from making his coffee. “it’s three am.”

klaus tugged on the ends of his sleeves. “i couldn’t sleep. you?”

“too many unanswered equations,” the smaller male grumbled.

“you know they can wait a few hours while you get some shut eye. i’m sure this whole commission spiel can wait-”

“it can’t,” five cut him off, but his voice was full of exhaustion and defeat rather than the usual bitter tone he usual held. “it can’t. i have to keep you all safe.”

“you can’t do that if you’re sleep deprived and drunk of caffeine,” klaus argued.

five shrugged wordlessly, pouring the black drink into a cup and setting it on the table. he turned back to the cupboards, pulling out bread, marshmallows, and peanut butter. four pieces were set out, one side smothered with marshmallows and peanut butter, the other smacked right on top and pressed down.

a plate with the second sandwich was in front of klaus, much to his surprise, and five was enjoying his own meal across from him. klaus didn’t pick up the sandwich.

“why couldn’t you sleep?” five asked, seeming so innocent, but the narrowed eyes of suspicion reminded klaus of his real age.

“oh, you know, the norm. nightmares and all,” he answered, picking at the few pill pieces on his pants.

“of the war?”

klaus chuckled bitterly. “not this time actually.”

“do you… want to talk about it?” five hesitated to ask.

four saved him from having awkward emotional moments. five wasn’t good at those and was severely emotionally uneducated to handle someone as emotional as klaus.

“not particularly,” the seance responded, slowly standing from his seat. “i’m going to… go try attempt number two.”

“good luck,” five called as he shuffled out of the room. he looked down with furrowed brows, thinking about the possible nightmares his brother could have and the rude fact that he didn’t touch his sandwich made for him


	2. discovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the siblings find out and aren't too happy
> 
> ben doesn't react the same
> 
> klaus is annoyed and confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the amazing comments! they mean so much to me because i have little confidence in my own writing. putting my works here is kinda scary
> 
> also this chapter is both a good and bad for me. it wasn't how i wanted it to really go but i didn't want to address so many problems at once and end the story in like two chapters. 
> 
> if yall got any suggestions on how to fix it i will edit it before chapter 3 is posted

“this is pointless,” klaus complained, dragging his feet behind diego and five. they were out, per luther’s orders, to investigate a bank that was suspected to be robbed in the next few days. five argued that they had bigger fish to fry and bigger issues than a little bank. luther said they had to try to save lives, no matter how small they may be.

“your perspective on things is smaller than that bank,” the teenager had snapped, teeth grinding together and glare harsh. “the commission is on our backs. if we don’t do something to stop them, we won’t be able to save any old grannies in the bank on their way to deposit a check.”

but still, the three went. diego and five had convinced klaus into joining them, since he didn’t have anything else to do and luther practically ordered him to go. he hated the eyerolls that followed when he excused that he had bigger things to do than go on a little mission for dearest number one, so he reluctantly went. there was also diego holding up a gleaming knife in one hand in the corner of his eye.

“everything luther makes us do is pointless,” five seethed, hands shoved harshly into his pockets. 

“hey, let’s just get this done. the faster we get this done, the faster we get to go home,” diego said, hand on klaus’s back to keep him moving.

“why am i here again?” klaus groaned, shivering despite the sweltering heat.

“it’s part of the heist luther’s suspects is going to happen in a few days, remember?” diego answered. “we were tipped off it would happen at the grand plaza.”

“so we’re…?”

“scouting,” five snapped, “for information and prime spots to see them.”

klaus side eyed a ghost on a bike, head caved in. “and what would  _ i _ be doing during this mission?”

“lookout,” five stated.

“so why am i here now?”

“to ‘know the layout of he land’, as luther put it,” diego explained in a deadpanned tone, earning a scoff from the medium.

“sure, more like just trying to keep me out of trouble,” klaus said, although he hadn’t caused chaos in weeks. he didn’t understand why his siblings, luther specifically, thought he was still an insane, uncontrollable person.

it wasn’t exactly a good day for klaus either. the ghosts were noisy, his stomach was churning badly, and his hands were shaking while his head was pounding. his urges were strong, sometimes making him breathless with how desperate he was. 

it was hard to get his heavy legs to move without the urge to fall on the floor and pass out.

his heart seized in his chest, but it wasn’t because of panic. he had felt it a few times in the last hour, even being worse than the last. he didn’t understand why it was happening and didn’t want to concern five and three (more like bother them), so he ignored it.

ten minutes and a block later, they found the bank crammed between two buildings. it wasn’t any bigger than a normal mcdonald’s. the whole team wouldn’t be needed for the task of protecting them should something go down. two or three would be fine. 

diego entered the bank, for once not wearing his knife holster and looking intimidating. klaus wrapped his arms around his frail body, aware of five’s burning eyes on his quaking form. however, the gremlin didn’t say a word.

two came out of the bank five minutes later, immediately dropping a friendly smile and rolling his eyes. 

“little old people bank,” he confirmed, looking to five. “you and me could handle anything that happens.”

five took a deep breath to keep from snapping. he just wasted precious time to investigate nothing. he turned on his heel and trekked back down the sidewalk to the house. 

klaus and diego shared a look, the former shrugging when the latter gave him a confused look. the two followed behind without hesitation.

“cup. coffee. now,” five demanded, steering into a coffee shop without the two even agreeing. diego scoffed sitting at a table outside the cafe, manspread and arms crossed. klaus took the other chair, burrowing his limbs together as best he could. nearly seventy-five degrees and it felt like he was in a freezer.

“are you alright?” diego asked, startling the medium.

“fine,” he muttered, ignoring the goosebumps that popped onto his arms and made his hairs stick up on his coat. the coat no one bothered to question. even diego was wearing a short sleeved shirt and five had forgone the sweater.

“why are you still wearing your coat?”

“i’m colder than normal, remember? seance and all,” klaus answered, only telling half a lie. “ghosts go through me like fat people at mcdonald drive-thrus.”

diego chuckled, but didn’t push the subject. klaus sort of wished he did. 

five came out of the shop a few minutes later holding a tall cup of coffee, sipping it with pinched eyebrows, and a smaller one in hand. he passed it to klaus, who gingerly sipped the steaming liquid.

“what’s with the sudden need for coffee?” diego questioned.

“luther,” five snapped. “brother or not, he still annoys the shit out of me with his righteous number one behavior. there’s no need to be scouting. we never scouted as kids, why do it now?’

“who the hell knows? it’s luther. mr. high and mighty ape man,” klaus commented. “mr. perfect. mr. always-right. mr. kiss ass.”

five smirked, scoffing a laugh as he took a large sip. “that i can agree with,” he said, then turned to walk back to the academy. diego rose, swiftly following.

when klaus jumped to his feet, he realized how bad of an idea it was, but it was too late. the world faded to white and everything tilted sideways. that seizing in his chest was his only warning before it all happened.

he blearily blinked his eyes open, confused about what had happened, and found diego and five standing over him, looking down anxiously.

“you look like you’re about to shit your pants,” he rasped out.

“jesus, klaus. what the fuck was that?” five snapped, but it wasn’t out of anger. five’s only portrayal of emotion was through harsh attitude. he was truly worried.

“i don’t know. what happened?” he asked, moving to sit up, but was stopped instantly, the two urging him not to.

“don’t sit up too fast after fainting,” diego warned.

klaus’s eyebrows flew past his hairline. “i’m sorry. did you just say fainting?”the times in the past when he did pass out was blurred because he had been high or drunk. he didn’t remember them at all, not the feeling, not the falling, not the waking. he had been too unaware to know.

“you passed out, klaus. you must’ve stood up too fast. when was the last time you ate or drank something?” five inquired.

“uh, this morning,” he lied easily through his teeth. he hadn’t had a single thing since a few chocolate chip cookies here and there the day previously. he had some water, but three-fourths of a bottle still sat on his nightstand.

“what did you have?”

“eggs on toast.”

“did you finish it?”

“yes. i don’t waste mom’s perfect cooking,” klaus answered. “now, can i sit up? the ground is quite uncomfortable. actually, i’ve had worse, like a bathtub a few times. it was kinky and weird, but i’d rather not be on the ground.”

three and five helped four sit up slowly, five grabbed hold of his arm and three took his back. however, five released instantly, staring at his arm like it had burned him.

“five? what’s wrong?” diego asked.

five’s brows were furrowed in thought, eyes dancing and mind away from the present. he was thinking and putting the pieces together. klaus needed to stop him, distract him because he knows what he felt.

“alright! so i’m sure luther’s going to start getting worried if we don’t get back soon, so…” klaus moved to stand up himself, but five’s hand was once again around his arm. 

klaus froze, body tensing as his smaller brother slowly felt his limb. he found that he could wrap his fingers around and nearly overlap them. his light eyes began to widen as he took the sleeve of his coat and use the extra fabric to wrap it around his arm.

“what the fuck, klaus?” he whispered, then his startled eyes hardened. “when was the last time you ate?”

“i told you-”

“ _ when was the last time you ate?”  _ five hissed, clearly not in the mood for games or lying.

klaus looked away with shame. to be honest, he couldn’t remember the last time he had a decent and full meal. he was hardly able to handle the cookies yesterday, let alone a full sandwich.

and to be fair, without ben acting like his guardian angel, he never remembered that he actually could eat now. that they had the means of being able to fill his stomach three meals a day with snack in between.

“diego, you need to carry him. we have to get back to the academy now,” five ordered, standing up, downing his coffee and tossing it into the trash.

klaus started protesting loudly that he was fine, but the knife wielding brother simply put his arm underneath klaus’s knees and around his shoulders. he stood up, a little too fast, making klaus’s head spin. he shut his eyes tightly, tucking his head underneath diego’s chin. he felt anxiety rise in his chest as they walked as fast as they could to the academy. the closer they got, the sooner the others were going to know and all hell would break loose. he didn’t want their care. if they didn’t care when they thought he was fine, why would they care now?

sooner than he thought, he heard the gate creak and the door unlock, rushing cold air meeting his already cold skin. he shivered, tucking himself tighter into his big brother who was ungodly warm. thank god for a hispanic background. they were always so warm.

“family meeting!” five shouted, not caring if it sounded angry as he strutted to the drawing room. diego went to put klaus on the couch, but he whined, holding on tighter.

“klaus, i need to put you down,” diego stated gently.

“you’re warm,” klaus muttered pathetically and he sounded so small and scared that diego felt guilt flood his chest. the issue had to have something to do with klaus’s status in the family, which was their fault. so he sat on the couch with klaus close to his person. five grabbed a blanket from the couch and draped it over the shivering man.

the sounds of feet beating the floor above and the staircase made klaus’s heart rate speed up. everyone else was going to know and be upset and hate him and want him out of the house or send him back to the looney bin or-

“breathe,” diego whispered gently into his ear and it was then that he noticed the lack of air flowing through his lungs. he took a deep breath and swallowed thickly. he forgot how diego knew him too well because, despite being over a decade older, some habits never changed.

“five? what is this about? did you find anything about the heist?” luther asked eagerly as vanya and allison took up the other couch. the two were sending worried looks towards klaus, who couldn’t look at anyone. ben stood on the edges of the room, a habit from when he was a ghost.

“not really. the bank is tiny and would only need two of us,” five answered quickly, “but that’s not what this is about.”

“what’s going on?” vanya asked timidly, quite scared of the building tension in the room.

“it’s… klaus,” five started, glancing at said man, who was shaking his head furiously, silently begging him not to. however, he needed to. “does anyone know when the last time they saw klaus eating was?”

the question clearly threw them off, eyes blinking perplexed. 

“well, mom made eggs on toast this morning,” vanya replied.

“but did you see him eat it?”

silence.

“five, what are you insinuating?” luther asked, face contorted in confusion.

“what i'm insinuating is that klaus has an eating disorder and none of us knew,” the little old man snapped.

saying it out loud made it real and klaus suddenly realized how bad it sounded. it wasn't like he meant to do it. after years of scraping by, it wasn't anything new. he might've relapsed a little, but it wasn't life threatening. he was fine. he had it under control, unlike the hollering farm man in the foyer. 

“wait, what?” vanya stammered, eyes wide in shock and brows shot up her forehead. klaus couldn’t look, couldn’t look at any of them. the anger, the disappointment, the smugness of knowing he had messed up and they knew he couldn’t do it. they knew he was weak. the chandelier above them swayed dangerously, only stopping when allison placed her hand in vanya’s, effectively grounding her.

_ THAT’S NOT TRUE _ , allison wrote,  _ HE’S JUST SKINNY. ALWAYS _

five growled at their denial, which even luther had surprisingly. “we have our own food cupboards, right?” they nodded. when the six stated they would be living together, five suggested they get their own food supply, after everyone kept taking the food he had wanted to eat. they agreed and all labeled a section as theirs, stashing it however they wanted. “why don’t we go check klaus’s?”

“no, no, no, no. you don’t need to do that,” klaus said, sitting up from his spot against diego. “there’s nothing there.”

five raised an eyebrow, challenging his brother to keep lying. “oh yea? where did all that food that diego put in your cupboard go?”

“i ate it. gave some to buddies of mine too,” he answered smoothly.

his heart stopped when five teleported and reappeared with an armful of unopened foods. klaus winced. he really should’ve given it to his addict friends, like he thought to do days before. now he was cornered and couldn’t convince his family that he was perfectly healthy and fine.

“how long?” ben asked, voice startling everyone except the medium. he had been so quiet during the whole ordeal that they forgot he was there. he didn’t sound as angry as five. he sounded resigned and upset. klaus was sure he was unhappy with him.

klaus couldn’t remember. the days had blended together. one turned into two, which turned into four, which turned into eight and now it was too many to remember. he hadn’t even realized it was already june, let alone the last time he really ate. his silence was an answer, making ben sigh and whisper ‘shit’ under his breath.

“i didn’t mean to.”

a sentence ben understood and never judged, but the same couldn’t be said for the others.

“this isn’t something that you unconsciously forget to do, klaus,” luther scowled. the center of attention looked down ashamed. he was a burden to them, doing nothing to help. they were supposed to be focused on vanya, not him. he wasn’t important. “your body should’ve told you to eat.”

“you’re supposed to be taking care of yourself after sobering up. you’re not supposed to continue destroying yourself,” diego lectured, kinder than luther, but no less displeased. he didn’t move away from klaus, despite being unhappy, staying as his personal heater.

_ KLAUS IS SOBER? _ allison wrote.

“that discussion is for another day,” ben stated sharply. “we need to talk about this.”

sick of being seen as a child or a patient, klaus spoke up, “there’s nothing to talk about! i’m fine. so i fainted. i’m fine now. no concussion or anything.”

“you  _ fainted?” _ vanya exclaimed incredulously, shock on her, luther, and allison’s faces.

“i’m  _ fine _ ,” he stressed, hands in his hair.

“it’s hot outside and you’re shivering,” luther pointed out, disagreeing with his brother.

“big whoop. besides, there’s nothing else wrong with me.”

“take off your coat.”

the command made him freeze, heart lodged in his throat. he turned narrowed eyes to his small-big brother. “Exsqueeze me?” he asked.

“take. your. coat. off,” five repeated, arms crossed over chest.

“it’s cold in the house.” ben rolled his eyes at the lame excuse, a little smirk on klaus’s face at the typical reaction.

“no excuse. do it,” five demanded harshly, “or i’ll take it off you myself.”

“five, that’s called pedophilia and incest, i’d rather you not. actually, it’s probably just incest and assault. well, not to the eyes of the law, that is.”

“ _ klaus _ . take it off,” the little devil growled impatiently.

klaus stopped arguing, hearing the threat and vexation in his brother’s tone. he was used to it, but that wasn’t the cause of his fear and anxiety. he was scared of their reactions. he was scared of them. what would they do when they saw him? looney bin? hospital? force food down his throat and watch him throw it back up, only to shove more food down? would they kick him out for being so pathetic? he had nowhere to go.

“do i have to?”

his voice was quiet and small, like when they were children and reggie made them use their power or made them do something they didn’t want to do, like ben and his horror. klaus’s green eyes were bouncing around their faces anxiously, glistening and brimming with tears. it made their hearts clench with guilt and empathy.

“klaus, just show us,” luther snapped. well, not all of them had a heart.

ben pushed off the wall and went over to klaus, who moved more away from diego and wrapped himself tightly in the blanket. six knelt down, eyes soft as he gazed at his frightened brother. deja vu hit him like a freight truck and his heart broke. he promised never again and yet here they were.

“they’re worried for you, klaus.”

he scoffed. “why? they weren’t before,” he murmured.

“they didn’t know before, but they do now, so let them help you,” ben pleaded, then grinned. “you know i’m always there for you.”

klaus smiled. “the horror and seance.”

“the deathly duo.” they chuckled, but the light moment ended when klaus looked back at the others. his hand snatched ben’s tightly. “hey, i’m here. i’ll help you.”

the pale man nodded and slowly moved to take his coat off. ben helping when he got caught.

ben’s chocolate brown eyes widened. it was worse than before. he hadn’t expected it to be bad. klaus’s hip bones poked out before, but they were protruding as badly as his ribcage, collarbone, fingers, and wrists. his usually colored torso was pale, grey and sickly. once most of the effects were shown, ben saw how sunken klaus’s face and eyes were. how exhausted he looked. how death like he seemed.

klaus smiled to reassure his brother. “i’m okay, benji.”

“you are most certainly not okay,” luther interrupted, looking utterly horrified like he was holding a dead, bloody baby. the others looked sick and guilty and ashamed. five looked like he regretted demanding klaus to take his coat off.

“don’t worry about it,” the medium dismissed, pushing his coat back on. “i have it under control.”

“not eating is control?” diego snapped, his eyebrows shooting upward in concern, mouth gaped.

“is this what it’s all about? control?” five questioned, eyes sympathetic as he watched his brother nod. control was something he obsessed over, in any way he could, so he understood. “because you can’t control the ghosts.”

klaus shrugged, then yawned. “i guess… i don’t know. it’s just… it just happened. one day, everything made me sick and it was easy to ignore it.”

“you ignored the need to eat?” vanya asked. “how?”

“i ignored ben for a year after he appeared dead to me. i ignore the ghosts all the time. it’s not a new trait. listen-” klaus stood slowly, wavering but stable when ben gave him support, “i know this is all uncharted territory for you guys, so i’m going to go…” better to leave himself than be kicked out.

“you’re not going anywhere,” diego stated firmly, standing and giving him that puppy dog look straight into his eyes. “you’re not leaving to go wallow in some back alley. you’re going to stay here. we’re going to help you through this.”

klaus scoffed. “love the sentiment, but what could you do to help me?”

diego opened and closed his mouth. “i-i do-don’t know, but i’ll figure something out. just… don’t push us away again, klaus.”

guilt pushed down on his chest as he turned his green eyes away. “i wasn’t pushing you away. i was- what did i call it, ben?”

“keeping away from those who don’t really care?” he supplied, earning wide eyed looks from the others.

“no… it was more like… oh! letting you deal with your own problems and not mine,” klaus explained, smiling sweetly. “seriously, guys. there’s not much you can do. you’re about as useful as me when we went on missions as kids.”

“lookout is useful-” luther started.

“Because sitting out and having ghosts as company while your siblings take care of people twice their size was so~ useful,” the medium interrupted, scoffing slightly. “listen, guys, i have people i know who can help me figure this-”

“so, you don’t trust us?” vanya asked, eyebrows pinched up and body hunched into herself. klaus felt bad suddenly, chest tightening. out of everyone, vanya was third of most trusted, after ben and diego. 

“no, no, no, no, that’s not- it’s not that,” he quickly explained. “it’s just… we’ve all got our issues and whatnot, and this is so small compared to what’s going on. you’re dealing with your powers, five’s dealing with his old boss, allison is working on her voice and things with claire, diego’s grieving, ben’s living his best life, and luther’s figuring himself out.”

allison taped her notebook,  _ AND YOU’RE KILLING YOURSELF _ .

klaus bit down on his lower lip. “okay, that’s a bit harsh, isn’t it? i mean, it’s only killing myself if i’m consciously trying right?”

“like the last two decades?” diego questioned, mouth pressed into a firm line. 

ouch, klaus winced at the blow, but understood their concern. he didn’t understand why they suddenly cared.

“consciously or not, you’re still hurting yourself even without the drugs and alcohol,” five stated. “so, we’re going to be your siblings and take care of you. we’re going to do everything we can to help you.”

“like you helped me when i was locked in a mausoleum? or when i was homeless and alone? or kidnapped by two weird assassins in animal masks? or sent to vietnam in the middle of a war?” he didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but one look at their downcasted faces and he knew he sounded worse than he intended. “i… i’ve never had anyone but dave to care for me like this.”

“and that’s our fault,” diego said, taking full blame. “we were shit siblings. it wasn’t exclusive either. we were bad to each other. no one deserved that. we should’ve stuck together especially with the father we had.”

klaus thought for a moment, debating on whether or not his siblings could handle such a condition he himself couldn’t handle. they weren’t really capable of handling it, in his honest opinion, since they had almost fucked up the apocalypse just a few months ago.

"first orders of business, we need a scale," luther stated, not waiting for klaus to give him the okay. he simply rolled with it, much to ben and klaus's annoyance.

“i don’t need a scale,” klaus argued. 

allison scribbled something down onto her pad of paper, then turned it around.  _ WE NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOUVE LOST _

“no, you don’t.” for them to know how much weight he lost was like asking him to pull his pants down and show his dick. he wasn’t comfortable with them knowing. they pushed his boundaries when they demanded he take off his coat. 

“if i went with you, would that be okay?” ben asked gently.

klaus didn’t mind ben, since he was there last time and he trusted him. he nodded, choosing to ignore the glare ben sent to the others. probably because of their inconsideration.

“to the bathroom we go~”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao yall thought i was going to address the elephant in the room
> 
> but don't worry we'll get to the 'i-killed-myself-to-talk-to-dear-dead-dad-because-you-needed-me-to' situation soon


	3. helping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> klaus's siblings help him through his disorder.
> 
> or at least think they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me if you didn't like it or anything to fix i will :)

klaus had been staring at the same bowl of mac and cheese for half an hour, trying to swallow the bitter taste of bile threatening to come up and the urge to flee. diego was on meal duty for lunch and he had made them a childhood dish. it looked good, not the greatest smell to help with his nausea, but it seemed delicious.

well, he wouldn’t know because he hadn’t actually picked up his fork and stabbed the noodles to shove them in his mouth.

it had been over two decades since he had last seen the gooey dish and he thought he would’ve wanted to eat it all, but he didn’t feel it. not a single burst of hunger, the clawing in his stomach, the cold that flowed through his organs. 

“klaus,” diego started, a warning on his tongue. he gave his smaller brother that same look he had given when he told klaus to go back to the car when they found cha-cha and hazel at the motel. eyebrows raised, head tilted down, eyes wide. “you need to eat.”

“and you need to stop looking like you work for a bdsm club,” klaus retorted instinctively. 

_ “klaus,”  _ diego growled.

“okay, okay! sorry, it’s just… i’m not feeling it and honestly, mac and cheese is possibly the worst thing to give me. don’t get me wrong the sentiment is nice, but the calories and fat. and i just haven’t been hungry lately. i don’t feel it,” klaus explained. 

“well, you need to start feeling it, otherwise sooner or later, we’ll have to take drastic measures,” diego warned, taking a seat next to klaus. he caught his brother’s antsy green eyes. “you know, you’re my brother and i wouldn’t want to make you do anything you didn’t want to, but, dude, if you keep pushing us away and not letting us help like we promised, it’s gonna be bad.”

klaus knew that, eventually, if he didn’t keep his weight healthy and declined, there would be complications and the only way to keep him alive would be through medical means. he really hated anything that involved medical and would avoid them at all costs.

to avoid that, diego knew, he would need to eat the mac and cheese set before him.

“i’m not asking you to eat the whole thing, bro,” diego stated, taking a spare plate and setting it beside the bowl. he scoped some of the cheesy noodles onto the plate, not a lot, but enough. klaus felt like a little kid again, people always preparing his food and negotiating how much he was going to have to eat to be excused. after vanya, klaus was the most stubborn of eaters. “just this much.”

klaus eyed the mass of yellow-orange and tilted his head in thought. he supposed he could manage that much, hopefully without feeling fat and disgusting.

he picked up his fork.

* * *

klaus opened his eyes for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, sagging in defeat. he had been spending the whole day trying to conjure, but nothing seemed to be working. everything he ever tried worked on ben, but that was probably because of the attachment they had to each other and they had spent their whole lives together.

he had been dead for fifty years. he was probably lost so far into limbo, or maybe he moved on into a happy afterlife. klaus didn’t know and he hated not knowing because he didn’t know if being sober was worth it some days.

he started after five made him eat yogurt with bananas for breakfast. he’d only eaten half of both before declaring he was going to be sick if he ate another bite. five let him go with a worried look and he took off upstairs, shutting his door behind him and setting two pillows on the floor.

no one was home during lunch, which he hadn’t realized passed as he focused solely on harnessing his powers. that bank robbery happened and it turned out that there were at least a dozen men threatening the bank. why they all had to go was behind him, but he didn’t mind the quiet. 

but dinner was a different story.

he hadn’t planned on going downstairs. he planned on being curled in bed, upset and trying to not have another emotional breakdown as he held tightly onto his dog tags.

“klaus,” he heard ben call from the other side of the door before it creaked open. he was silent for a moment, the scene before him similar to something they had done, so the pieces fell together. “i’m sorry.”

klaus shook his head. “don’t be… maybe he’s happy in the afterlife with some amazing dude or his family or something,” he dismissed, but curled up tighter as he tried to hold back the tears.

he felt the bed dip. “mom made pasta. the little bowtie ones,” ben stated, hand twirling a curly lock of his. “i know you’re probably not hungry, but i know you didn’t eat lunch since no one was here, so you have to at least eat a few.”

klaus scoffed. “you sound like a soccer mom,” he teased.

“and you sound like a child,” he countered, an easy smirk on his face, then it fell when he noticed klaus’s downcasted face. “hey, you can’t give up on him now. i’m sure being a ghost for fifty some years isn’t easy and he could just be out of your reach. you can’t give up. would he for you?”

the thought made him both simultaneously smile and cry. after he had found out about klaus’s addictions, he hadn’t turned his back on him, stating that people dealt with life differently and there was no way it would deter him from being there. after he found out about the ghosts klaus saw, he never stopped staying by his bedside during a particularly terrible dream or loud day.

he never gave up.

klaus silently shook his head, wiping away the small amount of tears that escaped his forest green eyes. he wanted to sleep, but knew there was no way in hell that ben would let him off the hook for dinner after no lunch. so he dragged himself out from underneath his warm covers and threw an arm around his brother. the two stumbled to the kitchen, klaus ranting on about how they really should change the portraits and furniture. it was dreadfully medieval and old.

* * *

“i’m going to be sick,” klaus murmured, hand flying up to his mouth in disgust.

luther had suggested a protein shake. klaus assumed the store bought ones or even the powder you mixed in with whatever the hell you wanted.

no, luther legitimately shoved anything high in protein into a blender, capped the lid, and turned it on. it was a disgusting brown-green color that made klaus think of baby shit and probably tasted like puke.

“come on, klaus. it’s good for you. i used to make these all the time,” luther encouraged, but there was a hint of exasperation in his tone like he had any time he talked to the smaller man.

“luther, as much as i love the sentiment, i do-” he doesn’t, “-but this is a bit excessive. i’d be fine with protein shakes from powder or something. not… whatever the hell you just concocted,” klaus stated, eyeing the drink as it was poured, chunky, into two cups.

“yea, but how do you know if you’re getting your protein or not? how do you know it’s telling the truth?” luther challenged. “that’s why i make my own so i know it’s high in protein.”

“i know it’s true because they can’t put fake nutritional facts on things,” klaus argued, then scrunched up his face when the cup was pushed to him. luther held his with anticipation.

“stop being a baby and try it klaus,” the blond snapped, clearly already fed up with klaus even though he was trying his hardest not to be as annoying since luther always frowned upon him. He was quite surprised when luther offered to help him at all and held concern for his physical state.

with shaky, unsure hands, the medium held the glass between his fingers, wincing at the awful smell it emitted. luther didn’t hesitate to down the drink with a burp and content smile. klaus didn’t hesitate to throw it away, but luther stopped him.

“you can’t say you’ve never tried it.”

“i can say i don’t ever want to,” klaus quipped back. “luther, it smells like rotting fish! like a dirty diaper! like the alleyways i used to sleep in!”

that was probably the wrong thing to say because luther suddenly gained this look of confused guilt on his face. he hadn’t known, how could he have not realized? a broke junkie couldn’t always have a nice bed like obedient number one who stayed behind.

“look, i’m not drinking this. i’ll go ask mom for some vitamin pills instead, yea? can’t get high on vitamin C, can i?” he said, handing the glass to the still upset blond. klaus awkwardly patted his arm before walking around him to find mom.

klaus knew he was trying to help him get healthy or put some weight on, but there were boundaries, limits to what he would do. he wouldn’t have a nasty protein shake, or any space food- ‘I don’t care if it’s mushy, luther, that’s not the point’. 

* * *

“klaus, you have to follow the diet plan we created,” vanya said, slightly upset that her brother had been picking at half of his sandwich for an hour and hadn’t had a bite. it was all he had to eat. despite agreeing to allow his siblings to help him with his disorder, he definitely didn’t make it easy for them.

“i know, i know,” he replied in a light voice, eyes glancing at his sisters. allison was eating the other half of his sandwich, staring intently at him as though her eyes could rumor him to eat. he was glad she couldn’t because that wouldn’t help anything. it would make it worse. he would pack up instantly if he heard those four little words. “i just… you know, we could be painting nails or clothes shopping. i know ally’s wardrobe is kind of low and, vanya dear, we need to find you cute lesbo outfits.”

allison silently giggled as vanya looked startled, face heating, stammering, “we can go later. you have to eat first.”

klaus kept losing all fights against his siblings. he couldn’t do it. he had no say in what he was eating, when he was eating, or how much he was supposed to eat. pogo and his siblings created this chart that he loathed because all of them followed it without hesitation. waffles weren’t even on the list. coffee was definitely a no go too.

he lost control and his usual carefree attitude was lost to irritation. he couldn’t keep pretending.

klaus pursed his lips, before pushing his plate away. he crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, gaze daring his sister to do something about it.

vanya and allison shared a look, the latter getting up and leaving and the former sighing sadly. she continued to eat while klaus sat in his chair slumped.

loud footsteps echoed against the floor, making klaus’s interest peak. he glanced up to find allison back with luther at her side.

“one last chance, klaus,” luther stated, gaze disappointed, but what else was new? “eat the sandwich.”

klaus leveled with a glare. “so you’re all ganging up on me now? what is this? and, for the last time, i’m not hungry.”

luther nodded. “okay.” and suddenly he was approaching his brother like a man on a mission, a lion to his prey.

klaus scrambled out of his chair and away from the large man. “what the hell are you doing?” he demanded. luther stalking towards you was a bad sign because he never approached you for anything good. klaus’s mind flashed to the last time his hulking form at barrelled towards him and pinned him to the pillar, taking the air from his lungs. 

“we warned you, klaus,” was all vanya said, before luther reached out and grabbed klaus’s forearm. he almost pulled away in disgust. his arm was too small and luther’s hand wrapped completely around it, fingers overlapping.

klaus yelped, fighting against luther. the blond was unfazed as he threw his brother over his shoulder.

“luther! luther! put me the fuck down right now!” he screamed, banging his fists against the monkey back. his head spun, making him nauseous. the lack of nutrients with the change of perspective was dizzying. “you huge, furry fucking, dumbass! put me down!” 

luther ignored him, continuing to bring him upstairs and down the hall. their sisters followed behind, gazes sad as they watched their smaller brother act feral and scared like a cornered animal. he panted, chest tightening, pausing as he shut his eyes, before resuming and calling luther all sorts of profanities. black spots were flashing his vision as he pounded on luther.

klaus wished ben, diego, or five were home. they’d hear him and save him, but they weren’t going to be home for several hours.

he should’ve fucking gone with. they had offered.

the four entered the infirmary, which made klaus’s heart drop to his feet. he turned around as best he could and found mom standing beside the bed with a needle. there was something behind her that he recognized from one of his roommates at rehab.

“no!” he shrieked, nails digging into luther’s back. he pushed and pulled as desperately as he could. “nein! no! no, no, no, no!” 

“klaus, this is for your own good,” luther stated, putting him down on the bed. klaus moved to leave, but several arms and hands were holding him down instantly. luther had his arms pinned down, while the girls had his legs. he was panicking, chest rising and falling quickly as he arched his back to get out of their grips.

“for my own good, my ass!” he growled. “this is all so you can feel so good about yourselves, isn’t it? poor sickly klaus!” he grunted as he nearly managed to throw the girls off, before they regained their hold. “after years of being ignored and tossed away, you want to help me now?  _ now? _ when i don’t  _ fucking want it!  _ all so you can feel like righteous, helpful assholes! get off!” 

he didn’t like this. they were like the ghosts in his dreams, holding tightly to him and begging him to help them, save them, avenge them. it was the hands that burned and ripped and broke.

mom came into his view, looking reluctant to do it, but he knew her medical programming said he needed it, or someone convinced her he did at least. she smiled, caressing his cheek and pecking his forehead before injecting the needle into his arm.

“w-wait. you can’t-” he stammered fearfully.

“it’s a sedative, dear,” mom informed, getting slightly blurry in his vision.

“shit,” he slurred and the instant his body relaxed, the hands were gone, but he still felt the poison from their touches. mom turned around and came back with a tube. “mom, don’t,” he pleaded.

she pushed his hair back from his forehead. “you need this, sweetheart.” the seriousness of the situation showed. she hadn’t called him pet names since before he left when they were eighteen. her maternal programming must’ve sensed his distress. he was probably overflowing with it.

klaus could only let tears fall fast down his face as mom put the tube through his nose, down his esophagus, and into his stomach. he choked and gasped harshly several times, mom shushing and saying it’ll be over soon. he was exhausted by the time she was finished, adding an iv to his arm as the finishing touch. 

vanya, allison, and luther hadn’t been supportive or reassuring at all and they were the ones that forced it upon him. once the sedative had taken affect, they backed away and turned from the scene. they hadn’t stayed by his side as he was violated and given something he hadn’t consented to.

mom took care of him. a blanket over his quivering body and a pillow for his head. she made him comfortable in a very uncomfortable situation.

“rest now, sweetheart,” she said softly, a smile on her lips before she left. the other three didn’t say a word, following behind her like lost ducklings. they left klaus alone to suffer in the infirmary.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know feeding tube is last ditch effort when it comes to eating disorders, but the hargreeves are stunted and luther doesn't actually know anything medical. He's probably seen it on shows or in books and assumes that's what you do when people aren't eating.
> 
> I needed some angst, some setbacks and I'd say that one was pretty big.


	4. healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ben, diego, and five find out what they did to klaus.
> 
> ben isn't the same ben they knew from childhood, and they learn that the hard way.
> 
> klaus is, once again, traumatized.

ben, diego, and five arrived home half an hour before dinner was ready. they had been out gathering information at the library, then went to the mall for five. he needed some new clothes, and yes the girls should’ve gone, but ben and diego managed to convince five that simple button ups and jeans and shorts were okay to wear, and still made him look mature.

they walked in the house, diego excitedly telling a story about a dude that went around in a chicken suit robbing convenience stores while he had been a vigilante. the two listened as they made their way to the drawing room. there weren’t many stories to tell when one is either a ghost or a child assassin. the backpack of books and notebooks was dropped beside the couch and five quickly popped into his room to drop off the clothes bags, then popped back.

diego was chuckling as he neared the end when vanya entered the room, paler than normal and going straight to the bar. ben noticed as she took a glass and filled it with a sharp whiskey, downing it before taking another.

six stood and made his way over to seven, not missing the guilty look that crossed her face before it changed back to her neutral.

“everything okay, v?” he asked.

she nodded. “yes. why would you ask that?”

“you came in here looking like you saw klaus naked and need to get the image out of your mind,” he joked, easy smile on his face, but it dropped when she tensed, unable to look at him. “wait, did you?”

she looked startled, before furiously shaking her head. “no! no, i haven’t seen klaus naked.”

“then why are you so skittish? did he do something to you? i know he’s been a bit irritable lately-”

“no,” vanya cut him off. “no, ben, i’m fine. really. it’s just been a long day.”

ben nodded. “okay. well, how was lunch?”

again, vanya stiffened and took a swig of her drink. “uh, it was… good.”

something happened. vanya wasn’t very good at hiding things from anybody. secrets weren’t a forte of hers. he raised an eyebrow. “yea? did klaus eat?”

her face said no, but her mouth said yes.

“vanya, where’s klaus? i got this knife that i think he’ll like. it’s iridescent and totally a danger to himself, but-” diego started, however vanya near exploded, unable to handle holding in what was affecting her.

“klaus is in the infirmary,” she announced, flinching when a glass broke to her left. 

“wait.” two. 

“what happened?” five.

“how long?” six.

vanya sighed, rubbing her arm nervously. “since lunch. we warned him, we did. gave him chances, but he didn’t… and we couldn’t…” she finished lamely.

the three were confused about what she was trying to say and she didn't seem stable enough to tell them without breaking down. the last thing they needed was her breaking down too, after the news she just broke to them and her power control is still a dice roll.

“i’m going to go check up on him,” ben stated, turning to his brothers. “you guys stay, okay?”

the two nodded, knowing that sending ben was the most ideal option. ben and klaus were close and there was a less likely chance that they would seriously hurt each other’s feelings. if it were five, they would both be too stubborn, and if it were diego, his temper would get the best of him.

so ben trekked to the infirmary with his heart pounding roughly in his ears. when he pushed open the door, it stopped and fell to the floor at the sight before him.

“oh, fuck,” he muttered.

klaus was lying on the bed with a blanket wrapped tightly around his one shoulder and down past the end. his skin was sickly white and he looked seconds away from throwing up, pushing his head into the pillow behind him, exhaustion and pain evident on his face. when the door opened, his head turned slowly and ben’s chest caved at the sight of a feeding tube lodged into his brother’s nose.

“oh, benji,” he slurred, before closing his eyes and falling back. 

“shit, klaus. why didn’t you call me?” ben asked, quickly walking up to him and pushing his hair out of his eyes, noting his chilled skin. green eyes were dull of fatigue.

“sedative and tubes, brother of mine. i couldn’t leave even if i wanted to,” he murmured, staring up with half lidded eyes. 

“why did they do this?” he asked, voice hushed as if afraid to even ask. he was utterly horrified that his siblings, the ones that didn’t even realize klaus had been kidnapped, assumed he was always high, didn’t believe him when he said he could see ben, had further hurt the seance by shoving a feeding tube in his system.

the medium shrugged one shoulder. “i wouldn’t eat the sandwich. i ate yesterday, but i was sick today, so i refused. ally and v got luther to drag me up here and mom inserted it,” he explained. tears filled his vision and fell steadfast down his cheeks. klaus wasn’t ever good at hiding things from ben, not when he used to be his own angel on his shoulder. “stupid sandwich. i should've just ate it.”

“hey, hey, hey,” ben cooed, holding his cheek. “it’s okay, klaus. it was just some measly sandwich. i’m sure you would've thrown it up anyways. you shouldn’t be here.”

klaus sobbed, face twisted in pain and fear. “then why am i?” 

the one thing you don’t take away from someone with control issues is a sense of control. klaus felt utterly helpless and lost. he hadn’t been able to control his meals and now he wasn’t able to control when he was going to get stuck up with a tube. the ghosts were still there, just one because of the sedative, but he still didn’t know what to do about them while he was off the sedative. nothing in his life had been in his control, then when he finally did have some semblance, it was taken from him.

“i don’t know, but they shouldn’t have brought you here and done this.”

ben didn’t hesitate to hold his quivering brother tightly, mindful of the tubes in his body. klaus clung to him like a drowning man on a life preserver. he sniffled and hiccuped, face pushed into ben’s sweatshirt. 

“everything’s okay, klaus. everything’s going to be okay.”

“i’m sorry- sorry for ever relapsing and doing it again,” klaus choked, fingers playing with the fabric of ben’s clothing. he was the only one he could truly show how bad he was feeling, since ben had seen every high (in the literal sense too) and every low in klaus’s life. “i promised i would never do it again and-and i did it and-and now we’re here and it’s all my fault-”

“hey, no,” ben stated firmly, but gently. “this isn’t your fault. i know it’s hard not having me there with you every hour of the day. honestly, it’s hard for me too, always having your accident prone ass on my mind.” that elicited a little chuckle-hiccup from the suffering pale man. “even the strongest fall, klaus.”

they didn’t know how much time passed before klaus finally relaxed against ben, not quite awake, but not sleeping either. he was utterly exhausted, but the last thing he wanted to do was go to sleep. not that the muttering man in the corner, pacing back and forth, with a hole in his head was any better. 

it wasn’t the greatest time to leave him on his own, but ben had business to take care of and he needed to do it soon before his anger got the better of himself and the monster in his chest came out to play. 

he untangled himself from klaus, earning whines of protest and clinging fingers around his dark jacket.

“i’ll be right back, klaus. i’m just going to go have a nice chat with our darling siblings,” he said, prying the fingers off.

“but-but ben~” the medium whined, bringing tears to the corners of his eyes. “no… just stay.”

ben glanced at the door, debating before turning back. “have you been here alone all day?”

klaus didn’t answer, simply fiddling with the iv on his hand. he glanced up, finding ben’s eyes lit with anger. “ben, don’t…” he weakly protested. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said… i don’t want you angry… i’m sorry.”

“hey, hey, hey, it’s going to be okay. it won’t take me long,” ben reassured. “close your eyes and rest. i’ll be back in no time.”

ben didn’t leave the infirmary until he saw his brother’s slightly dulled eyes shut. he dimmed the lights and shut the door behind him, before stomping his way down the hall. he didn’t find his siblings in their rooms, nor the living/drawing room, finally finding them talking in the kitchen. 

“you dumbasses!” he all but growled out, fists clenched at his sides as though he was going to hit them. 

“woah, woah, woah, ben!” diego exclaimed, jumping from his seat to try and placate his angered brother. it surprised all of them to hear ben say anything with anger in his tone, let alone profanities added along with it. the ben they remembered when they were kids never spoke above his normal, soft tone. “what’s wrong? is klaus okay? what happened?”

ben’s dark eyes looked behind diego’s shoulder towards vanya, allison, and luther. “they put a feeding tube in klaus without his consent!”

“what?” two and five asked, brows furrowed as they glanced between six and one, three, and seven.

“are you kidding me? one meal and you think putting a feeding tube in him is necessary?” five snapped, lips tightened and fists clenched slightly blue.

“he hardly ate yesterday-”

“because his stomach is the size of a penny, luther. he won’t be able to handle much for a while,” the smaller male growled out.

“he said he wouldn’t eat the sandwich at lunch, so they threatened him with a feeding tube. when he still didn’t eat it, luther carried him up and mom put it in,” ben explained heatedly. 

_ HE WOULDN'T EAT  _ allison wrote, tapping her paper to emphasize her point.

“he needed to eat,” the blond man argued.

“he doesn’t need to eat every single meal. he had breakfast and ate three meals yesterday,” ben sneered.

“we warned him, gave him chances,” luther said.

“but you did it, sedation and all, and left him  _ alone _ . you left him there for hours. do you know how much klaus hates the infirmary? no because you never cared for him when we were kids! you didn’t even care a week ago!” ben yelled.

“i’m sorry, but did i hear that correctly?” diego asked, brows furrowed and knife glistening dangerously in his hand. “you kept him in the one room he can’t stand?”

“he needed the feeding tube! he was being stubborn!” number one defended his decision, clearly blind to what they were trying to tell him.

“when you woke up from what happened after that mission, were you alone?” a hesitant nod from the blond. ben turned to vanya. “when you woke up in that room, you were alone and scared.” vanya looked away ashamed, hand on her arm. “klaus can’t stand being alone in general. why did you think it was wise to do that? you of all people should understand what that does to a person.”

the three paused, thinking about it further. “it was difficult,” vanya said quietly, “to see him like that.”

“well, it was more difficult to have something you didn’t ask for than to watch,” ben said, glaring at all three of them. “i’m moving him to his room.”

“we’ll help,” five said with diego by his side. the knife wielding man nodded and the three exited the kitchen with anger on their shoulders, but empathy in their eyes.

five was disgusted when he entered the infirmary and diego was upset, the same feelings he had when he saw vanya locked in that containment. ben went to comfort klaus, who was sniffling and whimpering. two and five heard him choke out, “they’re so loud, benny. make them stop please.”

ben’s face was full of shame and remorse. “i’m sorry, klaus. we’re going to move you, okay? to your room?”

klaus nodded furiously, murmuring desperate pleads under his breath. ben looked towards diego and five.

“diego, you carry him. five, help me with the iv and feeding tube.”

as gently as he could, diego lifted klaus into his arms. his heart clenched when it took no effort to hold his brother, like he was carrying a baby. the three of them moved everything into klaus’s room with much trouble. klaus relaxed in the comfort of his own space. he also looked like he was going to throw up, but ended up dry heaving painfully. it scared diego shitless and even more so when nothing came out.

they settled klaus down under three layers of blankets, head comfortable on fluffed pillows. he still looked awful, but he was more content in the warm atmosphere. 

“can’t you take it out?” he cried lowly, green eyes gleaming with tears at his brothers. five stood in the doorway, diego in his desk chair, and ben beside him on the bed.

“we can’t without someone with medical training and mom’s recharging,” diego answered regretfully. “i’m sorry, little brother.”

klaus scoffed. “i’m older by ten months.”

“you’ll always be my little brother,” diego stated softly, earning a wide eyed look from the man before he gave the tiniest smile. it fell as he glanced at an empty space beside five.

“how many are there?” ben asked.

klaus’s dull eyes bounced around. “less than infirmary… but still annoying.”

“i can find pogo to give you a full sedative. knock you out and all,” diego offered. he may not know the full extent to what it was like for klaus on a daily basis, but if those screams from nightmares and it being the reason he turned to numbing himself, he was going to do the best he could to make up for lost time and help klaus.

he shook his head. “no more drugs. no more needles.”

“do you need anything from us?” five questioned, the gentlest tone any of them had heard come from the fifty eight year old. they all knew five had a soft spot for klaus ever since they were small. they didn’t know why, but five always snuck out when klaus asked for waffles or when dad used to scold them and scream that klaus was a coward, five growled that he was braver than reggie could ever be. it earned more punishment, but for a moment it made klaus feel better about himself. don’t get five started on how many fashion shows he and ben had sit through.

klaus shook his head. “don’t let anything else happen.”  _ because of them. _

they had to protect him. he was cared of one, three, and seven because of what they did to him. as much as klaus loved all his siblings, after all the shit luther put him through and the betrayal from his sisters, especially after he tried everything to help them in the hours before the apocalypse. 

“promise,” five stated firmly.

* * *

after a full day of having a tube stuck through his digestive tract, mom pulled it out. he was allowed to lay in bed as long as he wanted, but he had to eat, even if it was a few crackers. ben wasn’t picky, after what happened last time. even if his brother ate a thing of pudding, he was happy because it was something.

but klaus avoided luther, allison, and vanya liked the plague. after hearing it was mainly luther’s idea (because he had the greatest ones), klaus was slightly less angry at allison and vanya. he was still staying away because they had left him alone for hours in his least favorite room and were accomplices in the whole incident.

diego, five, and ben were happy to take care of him. well maybe not five since he was busy teaching vanya and dealing with the commission, but he was a little less of a shit than usual. he sometimes popped into klaus’s room with a water or gatorade for him. one time he brought a good sized stuffed elephant, which klaus had named snugglelumps and kept close to him while sleeping.

klaus wasn’t angry, but he wasn’t exactly rainbow sprinkles and cotton candy either. years of being shoved into a crypt with his worst nightmare unwillingly, forced to sober up because he was kidnapped, forced into a war that he didn’t even exist during, and then being forced to have something down his throat painfully so, the drugs, the homelessness, the general lack of care of his well-being.

like he said before, he didn’t understand why they cared now after so many years of thinking he was fine and suddenly the least concerning thing for him was the one thing they were freaking over about. five and ben had excuses. one was in the future and one was dead, unable to touch him. ben had words, but they did little to help when klaus was od’d on the floor of a motel. the others were there, living and breathing and capable of checking up on each other every once and awhile.

klaus really only needed ben, the one person who knew how to take care of him. however, that wasn’t stopping the others. he didn’t mind diego and five. It was simply different to him to have someone else besides his little casper. 

diego decided on movie night, getting any sort of snack he remembered klaus liked. he didn’t care that by the end of the night his brother barely had any, but to see his eyes light up at the sight of fresh gummy worms and mom’s chunky, chocolate chip cookies made it all worth packing up the food to either eat later or throw away.

they managed to get five out of the study and ben away from his book long enough to sit through two movies. they threw a white sheet over reggie’s painting and lugged a projector downstairs. they brought down several large blankets and at least a dozen pillows. klaus was squished between ben and diego, leaning more so on ben and hugging snugglelumps tightly as his wide, green eyes stared entranced at the movie. five was sitting on a single seat, legs thrown over the armrests.

it was the first time klaus had been comfortable outside of his room since the feeding tube incident. as good as it started, it never ended the way they liked it.

luther and allison walked through the front door, turning on the lights to the foyer. ben turned and saw the light peeking out from under the shut sliding door and above at the open walkway. five gained an annoyed look since it was ruining the quality of the movie. diego was sleeping against klaus, not that he minded. klaus tensed instantly, but his eyes remained glued on the moving picture. his hand unconsciously falling away from snugglelumps’s ear to tightly grab ben’s.

“hey, hey, it’s okay,” he whispered softly, thumb rubbing against klaus’s skeletal skin. he heard the gentle breathing of his brother turn to ragged in fear. “i’m not going to let them touch you again, okay?”

and for a moment, it seemed like the two were going to leave for somewhere else in the one block mansion, but turned back around and slid the door open, earning an annoyed protest from five and a glare from six.

“what are you guys doing? why’s it so dark?” luther questioned, eyes narrowed to see their little set-up.

“movie night, asshole,” five snapped. “now, can you leave and turn the lights off?”

allison scribbled on her paper, holding it to luther for him to read. “allison says she needs to talk to klaus alone.”

ben sat forward to block his cowering brother from their view. “klaus doesn’t want to speak to either of you.”

“ben-” 

“no. it’s not my choice. it’s his. until he decides otherwise, you won’t be talking to him,” he stated firmly, not budging. eyes silently challenged them to say or do something and luther took it.

“she just wants two minutes with him. he’s our brother too,” luther said.

“if he was your brother, why did you leave him alone in the infirmary?” ben demanded, eyes lighting with flames in his anger.

luther rolled his eyes. “are you still on this? what do you want us to say? we’re sorry?”

“the fact that you don’t know makes it worse and sorry means nothing if you don’t really mean it.”

allison put her hand on luther, trying to pull him away from another argument, but he was too riled up and needed to say his piece. he pulled away from her, eyes dangerously narrowed at ben, who now stood protectively in front of klaus. diego had awoken abruptly to the arguing, arm around his quaking brother. he wanted to get into the fight, gang up on luther, but decided that ben was better with words whereas he’d go for his knives.

“luther, it’s pathetic that you even think it’s okay to come in here and request to talk to klaus, you know the brother you traumatized,” five commented from his spot, not looking away from the movie, but clearly not invested in it.

“i wouldn’t say traumatized. we were- i thought- he needs to be healthy,” luther argued.

“he needs supportive siblings. not generals who decide things for him against his will,” ben retorted. “you want to be a better brother instead of a leader? ask him what he wants to do. ask him what he wants. if he doesn’t want a sandwich, he doesn’t have to eat a sandwich. it’s called baby steps. vanya never learned control of her powers in a day, so klaus isn’t going to be magically fixed in one day either.”

“i never expected him to be okay in one day,” luther defended. “it was the best thing to do for him.”

“not if he doesn’t even want to be around you,” diego stated, lips pressed together.

luther and allison looked in his area and faltered at the sight of klaus hiding his face in diego’s chest, curled as tightly as he could. the woman tugged insistently on the blond’s sleeve, pulling him away from the room. they weren’t wanted. luther couldn’t see that, but allison did and didn’t want to hurt her little brother anymore than she already did.

“they’ve left,” five announced.

klaus lifted his head slightly, peeking an eye out just to make sure his brother was telling the truth.  very little tension left his body, but he still relaxed when he noticed the two weren’t there anymore. ben frowned, realizing that it would be awhile before klaus could be around one, three, and seven and not be afraid. klaus didn’t hold grudges, but his ptsd rivaled five’s and healing wasn’t easy.

“‘m sorry,” he muttered, wringing his hands and staring at them.

“you have nothing to be sorry for,” diego said, emphasizing every word so that his brother understood. 

“being scared of them isn’t wrong, klaus,” five added. “reginald hurt us and did we ever want to be around him?” at the shake of his curly hair, five continued, “then not wanting to be around luther, vanya, and allison is no different.”

“but… i-i don’t want to be afraid of them. they were only trying to help me,” klaus argued, a weak defense, but it was the one they kept using. he did feel awful for making allison and vanya feel awful. they didn’t deserve to feel bad about wanting to help their brother. luther was another story, but he always had been with his decisions. 

“again, with no say from you,” ben countered. “it’s alright, klaus… why don’t we go to bed?”

klaus didn’t protest or argue. he merely nodded and took ben’s outstretched hand. he and his partner in crime stumbled up the stairs to the bedrooms, while five and diego cleaned up movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw, i love you guys and all the support your sending. each comment makes me smile all giddy and gay. i'm glad you guys like this. i honestly didn't think it was going to go far.
> 
> just a little warning that 5 and 6 may be more than a week's wait. i'm still tweaking and finishing. 
> 
> ALSO i know klaus is slightly OOC but boy just been violated, a'ight?


	5. recovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suffering klaus. soft five. sorry allison. clueless luther. supporting ben. annoyed diego. and vanya's there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a really really bad chapter but I felt really bad that I havent posted a chapter so here's something to tie you lovelies over until the next chapter (spoilers there's issues and angst) 
> 
> I hope this satisfy you until I can get it uploaded. I'm starting college in a few weeks and my anxiety is high so writing is difficult rn. I hope you guys understand and thank you so much for the support!

“i really don’t want this,” was what klaus wanted to say as a plate of toast and eggs were set in front of him. allison had mom make breakfast, but she made herself scarce since no one else but mom was in the room. mom could tell when klaus was in distress, but she didn’t know cues and comforts like ben or diego or five. so they refrained from making an episode.

instead klaus remained silent and shaky hands brought the food to his mouth. his stomach already churned and he gagged each time a bite was in his mouth. he didn’t want it. he felt disgusting. he wasn’t about to please his mother by stuffing food into his pockets to make it seem like he ate either. that also meant he would need to do the wash again and he hated washing laundry.

“my little bee,” mom called, making him turn after roughly choking down a forkful of food. Her face was full of genuine concern, nothing artificial, which made klaus love her even more because she was more than a robot. she saw how he was feeling and reacted with emotions. “would you like a smoothie? i can make your favorite!”

klaus looked down at his food, which disgusted him in more ways than one. perhaps, a liquid would be better. he hadn’t thought about it before. albeit, it reminded him of the feeding tube, but hard food hadn’t settled right and he cringed every time he put it in his mouth and chewed. “you don’t mind?” he asked.

mom gave him a smile, fingers folding together. “of course not, my dear. anything for my buzzing little bee,” she answered, running a hand through his hair. he gave her a small smile back and watched as she took the ingredients needed to make a smoothie and began making the drink.

“can you make enough for ben too?” he asked. the others were gone helping vanya, allison probably video chatting with her daughter, but ben hadn’t been feeling too well that morning before he left. klaus could tell that the monster in his torso was active and that hurt ben. that was something they hated about his new-found alive-ness. the monster was relentless.

so klaus was sure something nice would cheer his brother up.

mom smiled widely again. “of course!”

and when the others arrived home, ben found the smoothie in the fridge labeled ‘benjo’ and a passed out klaus on the couch in the kitchen, empty cup on the table.

* * *

 

“you should tell them,” ben stated, not looking away from his book. 

klaus looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, laying his needles and yarn down. “oh, and pray tell, what should i tell them, dear brother?”

the smaller male turned his head. “you should tell them about before. they keep asking me, but i keep telling them it’s your business so you should. i’m surprised they haven’t come to ask you yet.”

klaus shrugged, focusing back on his knitting. he was grateful they weren’t asking. “it’s not like they need to know, so why would i tell them?”

“because they are our siblings,” ben said. “yes, they did something not exactly the greatest, but they still care.”

“they should care less. actually, not a few months ago, i was like the dirt on their shoes. i still don’t understand where all this concern is coming from,” klaus admitted his frustration. 

ben sighed, finger idly messing with the pages of the book in his lap. “i don’t either, klaus, but maybe the truth and some enlightening will help them understand.”

klaus paused for a moment, glancing at the decked-in-all-black male, before rolling his eyes and continuing to knit. “maybe when they give me a reason to trust them, sure, but… not right now.”

ben understood and would grant his wishes, shutting his mouth when their siblings asked again and not pressuring klaus to say anything he didn’t want to.

he was simply suggesting it.

* * *

 

usually, when klaus bothered anyone, they would dismiss him or call him annoying or tell him to go bother someone else. 

well, after everything that has happened, no one has the heart to tell him off. so when he bothered five while he was going to go and get coffee, he only let a brow twitch in annoyance before answering klaus’s ridiculous questions.

as soon as the not-teen entered the kitchen, he noticed the sudden lack of talking. he turned and found klaus with his mouth tightly shut and his eyes to the ground, shuffling. he tilted his head and furrowed his brows, before a throat cleared behind him. he gained a bored look in realization. of  _ fucking  _ course.

“luther,” five greeted in a cool voice, showing his clear disdain for the brother in front of him. “what can i do for you?”

“i was just getting a drink,” he said, eyes not leaving klaus’s pale, still form. five glanced back and found his breathing was elevated, intakes shallow and quick. 

“same,” the fifty-eight year old said. “klaus, you can go up to my room. i’ll be there in two.”

klaus glanced quickly between the two before twisting and dashing up the staircase. his steps were as light as a ghost, the exact opposite of luther’s thundering steps. five sighed heavily. he hated seeing klaus’s bubbling attitude reduced to nothing in less than a second.

“what the hell was that about?” luther grumbled.

five stomped to the coffee maker, turning it on before glaring at luther. “how dense can you be? he’s scared of you, you dumbass.”

“wh-what? scared of me?” the blond repeated, as though this was a complete shocker to any of them. it was quite clear that klaus was afraid of allison and luther. vanya was the only one out of the three he was fine with because she apologized with two new balls of yarn and enough money to buy a few new pairs of clothes. the items weren’t needed, but people didn’t usually buy klaus things and vanya was working on the whole ‘how-to-be-more-human’ thing. she never really had to apologize for something so major, so gifts were her first thought. they may be adults, but it was never too late to grow.

luther and allison had yet to do anything to apologize klaus in any form. they didn’t think anything was wrong with it still. 

“you made mom shove a tube down his throat without his consent and kept him in his least favorite room in the mansion, alone, for hours,” five snapped. “i’d be a little scared of you too.”

“but we-”

_ “i know,”  _ five hissed, eyes ablaze with anger and lips pinched tightly. “make all the excuses you want, luther, but this doesn’t mean jack shit to him, to any of us. you hurt our brother. end of story.”

the fifty-eight year old immediately popped out of the kitchen and without his coffee, he realized moments later. he was vexed with luther and had no desire to talk to the blond at the moment, let alone be in the same room. he wanted coffee, but it wasn’t worth losing his anger to number one.

five sought out klaus to make sure he was alright. like he told him to, klaus was in his room, sitting on the open window sill, staring out to the darkening city.

the smaller male didn’t say anything as he took a seat beside the ex-junkie. silence between them as the city buzzed with noise. five was surprised. klaus was usually so bubbly with excitement and energy he would be talking up a storm about one thing or another, then bounced to another before five could blink. it was chilling to see him the exact opposite of what he normally was.

“i’m sorry,” klaus muttered, pulling his knees to his chest and letting his eyes fall to the ground.

five shook his head. “you have nothing to be sorry for. nothing to be guilty of.”

“but i just can’t be in the same room as him and it’s frustrating because i just want things to be normal!” klaus argued. 

five scoffed. “nothing in this family is normal. we’ve time-traveled, luther is a monkey, vanya can end the world, ben is back from the dead, and allison can manipulate reality.”

the seance giggled lightly. “you are not wrong, little fiver.” 

the assassin turned to glare at his brother. just because he was being civil and calm doesn’t mean he was okay with the names.

“you were able to go back to the company that made you who you are and i’m sure you don’t have the greatest memories from post-apocalypse days, yet you still act like nothing's wrong and go about every day like you didn’t go through that shit.” both of klaus’s black nail-painted hands ran roughly through his curly locks. his face pinched in frustration. “how…”

“you know, you’re usually good at hiding things,” five commented, cutting off anymore rhetorical questions the other had. “when we were kids. i didn’t know half the things that were going on with you. i never knew when you were anything but happy since you were always smiling and laughing and playing jokes. no one really knew, i suppose. i had no idea about half the things dad did to you. then you came back from a war, then acted like you didn’t. then the whole not eating thing… 

“but you don’t need this facade, klaus,” he stated firmly, turning to look at his brother dead in the eyes. “we’re your family. you’re not suppose to hide things from us. we’re supposed to know when we fucked up, when we’ve made you happy, when we’ve made you mad, so that we have an understanding of how you work.”

tired, green eyes blinked before looking back at the city. “yea, i guess you’re right. i’ll try harder to understand-”

“no!” five hissed. “you don’t need to try to do anything except eating. we’re going to make it up to you. i promise.”

klaus desperately wanted to believe that the promise would be held up, but never in any of their lives, did they make a promise and keep it. his hope in his family was drained.

but he still gave his brother a smile, nod, and turned back to the city.

* * *

 

he didn’t know who told her, but allison was making it up to him with an apology and a gift added on. she would treat him to a manicure and pedicure as her apology because she had no other way of saying how sorry and guilty she felt for putting him in such a situation. well, she couldn’t say anything in general, but that's besides the point. he noticed an on-going trend of his siblings getting him stuff when they were apologizing to him, not that he minded. his nails were a bit dull as of late.

_ I REALIZED HOW BADLY THIS AFFECTED YOU _ , she wrote as an explanation when he asked why the sudden switch.  _ WE SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT AND US BEING WORRIED IS NO EXCUSE. _

klaus nodded, unsure what to say back to her. she was right. just because they were worried for his health and concerned about him eating a sandwich, didn’t mean they had to jump the gun and go straight for a feeding tube. but she realized her mistake and was learning. like they all were.

“and luther?” he asked, slightly hopefully. he knew his brother wouldn’t really change from being number one and unable to admit when he was wrong, but he had to put his pride down for this situation right?

but allison shook her head, curls bouncing around her head and his hope deflated like a balloon. 

“right,” he muttered, then perked when her arm looped gently with his, smile widening when she noticed he didn’t shy from her touch. he had been doing that since the incident, avoiding them like the plague. 

she wrote furiously on her pad of paper before showing it to him.  _ HE’LL COME AROUND _ .

klaus lifted an eyebrow. “this is luther we’re talking about here. the same one that locked our sister in a vault and thought that was the best idea for her. the same one that thought our father was the greatest human being on the planet. the same one that never apologized for anything in his life because he thinks he’s always right,” he ranted on. “need i go on?”

sheepishly, allison shook her head.  _ I TRIED _ . 

klaus chuckled and kissed her forehead. “at least someone is,” he murmured. “now! off to get our nails did!” 

* * *

 

“klaus!”

his name was called, but he didn’t move. he didn’t want to move. his bed was too comfy and his breakfast wasn’t settling right in his stomach. diego had made him eat a few too many bites and he was struggling to hold it down. he really didn’t want an aching throat and sour mouth all day.

he wasn’t surprised at the thundering steps and the door to his bedroom being pushed open. he didn’t react as five’s voice filtered into his ears.

“we need to, or more specifically, your powers today,” he announced.

klaus shook his head. “uh, i’m good. i’m just going to stay here,” he answered, squinting an eye at the man-child.

five’s eyebrows furrowed deeply and his lips set into a thin line. “this isn’t a choice, klaus. we need you.”

the seance groaned loudly in annoyance, turning his head further into his pillow. “what the hell do you need me for? i can’t do jack-shit with my powers.”

“we need you to come with me to talk to an old hag who might know something about dad. old friend or something from his olympic team,” five explained. “you won’t need to do anything drastic this time.”

green eyes narrowed. “how do you know this for sure?”

he shrugged. “i don’t, but still need you to come and at least try. it’ll give you something to do besides knitting.” the little bastard didn’t leave for an argument, disappearing from klaus’s room.

klaus pushed his head fully into the pillow, groaning loudly, near screaming in frustration. the last thing he wanted to do was work on his powers and talk to the dead. he was already being haunted by a mother screaming and crying desperately for someone named caleb. she kept begging him, but he ignored her because he had no way of helping her. she was too far gone to repeat anything except the name and ‘where are you’. it was like a broken record.

he debated on simply turning over and trying to fall back to sleep, but he knew five would get someone to get him out of bed, whether it be bribing or physically dragging him. he’d rather not have that happen since his mood was already terrible. the last thing he wanted was the manhandling.

so he shoved the covers aside with a heavy sigh and shuffled around his room for a decent outfit. skinny jeans, a pink crop top, and his vest, along with a sweatshirt and his black sneakers.

after brushing his teeth and applying deodorant, he slid down the stairs on the railing, ignoring luther’s glare when he landed in front of his siblings.

“why are you all here if it’s just five and i?” he asked curiously, acting like luther didn’t exist and he was attached to ben at the hip. the ex-ghost didn’t mind, laying a hand in his and squeezing.

five seemed unhappy about the additions. “luther thinks we need back-up-”

“for a seance?”

“-but i told him we’d be fine with just me and diego. he thinks we all need to go,” the little assassin finished in annoyance, eyes sending daggers to the blond.

“no,” ben stated. “it’s nothing major. i can go if that makes you feel better, luther, but all seven of us don’t need to go.”

“allison and i will work on our sign language,” vanya commented, taking her sister’s hand, earning a smile. her cheeks colored.

“well, what if dad guarded it or set boobytraps or-”

“dad probably forgot about her the second she became irrelevant to her,” diego interrupted him, twirling a knife in his hand. “now, we’re going to leave. the four of us. you are going to stay here and do whatever. lift weights, help the girls, i don’t care.”

five and diego turned around without another word, the former disappearing instantly and making the latter groan. “you’re not driving, five!” he yelled, practically dashing to the car.

klaus and ben shared a look, before shrugging and following suit.

* * *

 

two hours in a car was both good and bad for klaus. good because no ghosts were able to follow him in cars, since none of them were spiritually attached like ben had been, but bad because his stomach was still churning and he hated sitting for so long. he felt like he could run a mile with how much pent up energy was bubbling up inside him. his leg wouldn’t stop twitching and words were spewing from his mouth faster than his brain could comprehend what he was saying.

ben added onto his words, including his input on things and deepening the conversation so that his brother didn’t feel weird or too talkative. ben knew klaus’s insecurities as well as he knew his own.

diego and five would say a few words, but fall silent as the deathly duo went back and forth.

eventually, they made it and klaus jumped out of the car the instant diego put it in park. the seance stretched his aching, lanky limbs and squinted at the house in front of him.

“this is the place?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at his brothers.

“the obituary said she said she died in her sleep in her house, surrounded by her loving family,” five answered, sarcastic at the end. 

“so, shouldn’t there be a new family here?” ben asked. “it seems a little dead.”

there were no cars in the driveway of the isolated house. no lights were on and no one was moving about. the house hadn’t been taken care of for awhile by the looks of things too. vines were crawling up the brick house, the grass was uneven and tall, and bushes were unkempt. 

“she didn’t die too long ago, so i guess the family is still cleaning it out or whatever,” diego said, stalking up to the front door.

“or it’s so badly kept that it’s being condemned,” five commented, following up to the house.

klaus opened his mouth to retort back, but suddenly shivered violently, huddling into his sweatshirt. ben looked at him with worry, since it was the middle of summer and nearly ninety degrees. he himself was wearing black jeans and a grey shirt and felt like he was going to melt into a puddle.

the taller gave a shrug, before linking their arms and walking into the house diego and five went into. 

“the door was unlocked,” diego muttered, slitted eyes flitting around the empty space. the two story building was barren of furniture and pictures. there was nothing but wood and wallpaper.

“what’s the point in locking a house that has nothing of value in it?” five snapped, pushing past his dark haired brother and scanning the rooms cautiously. 

"who the hell knows?" ben muttered, sticking close to klaus, whose eyes were bouncing around the ancient house and body was quaking. 

"can we just get this over with?" klaus grumbled, hand unconsciously gripping ben's sleeve.

ben's dark eyes pinched with concern. "how many do you see?" he asked gently.

klaus shrugged. "oh just a few."

in reality, Klaus could see over thirty ghosts roaming around the home. it was much older than they thought. many were of hundreds of years ago, native americans floating to and fro. the house was probably built on ancient burial grounds. there were also ghosts from the 1900s. none were interacting with each other and that was good for him because majority of the time, they wouldn't be having polite conversations. 

"do you have a picture of this lady?" klaus asked, glancing between the bodies to diego and five. 

the old man in a child's body dug through his pocket and pulled out a small three-by-five picture. his nimble fingers gave it to klaus's shaky ones.

the seance held up the picture and squinted trying to search for the dead lady his brother so desperately needed to talk to. 

"margret richards?"

the woman in question turned and, thank the little girl, she had nothing against anybody and was still new to death that she wasn't mindless and terrifying. 

her dull blue eyes widened. "you can see me, child?"

klaus nodded wearily. "can i ask you a few questions?"

her face softened. "well of course you can. what is you need?"

after she gave permission, klaus clenched his hands into fists and allowed the blue to wash over them. margret's body washed in blue and became visible to the others. 

"margret richards?" five repeated. 

she nodded, eyes questioning as she glanced at the three other males. "that's a neat little trick you got there, child."

klaus opened his mouth to comment, but five was eager to get answers out of her. "how much do you know about reginald hargreeves?"

margret didn't look too pleased, whether it was because her little telephone was cut off or the name brought bad memories. 

she began to explain all she knew about their dearest dead father. klaus wasn't listening, focusing on the other ghosts and keeping her summoned. he honestly couldn't give two shits about reggie anymore after the shit he pulled in the afterlife. so he blocked it out. 

until he felt himself sway and nearly fall, but fortunately ben hadn't left his side and caught him. 

"woah, klaus, easy. you alright?" he asked, concern thick on his voice. 

"yea… just a little… woozy," he answered, blinking to get away the black dots that exploded his vision. 

"you can stop-"

"no!" five snapped. "we still need questions answered."

ben's eyes narrowed at the man-child. "at what cost, five? klaus just almost passed out and you want him to keep going?"

"no, no, no," klaus started, pushing off ben to stand up again. "i'm okay. we can keep going."

"no, you can't," diego stated, crossing the room, passing through several bodies, before holding onto his brother's arms. "relax, klaus. we got a lot of information thanks to you."

"ease up, child," margret soothed. "i'll be here if you ever need me again."

klaus nodded, chest squeezing with guilt when he glanced at five's displeased face. he felt awful for not being able to do more for his brother. the apocalypse could still happen and the commission still had them on their list. five was simply trying to protect his family and klaus couldn't do one single thing. 

"i'm sorry," he muttered as ben and diego helped him to the car. 

"don't be," ben stated firmly. "you did a lot today."

"but we didn't get everything we needed," four argued as he settled into the back with six. 

"we still got a lot and you heard what margret said. if we need her again, we can come back," two reminded, a little smile on his face. "she seemed to have liked you too."

klaus cringed. "she could be my grandmother."

"and she looked at you like a grandchild," ben chuckled, then watched as his brother stifled a yawn. "you can sleep now, Klaus."

"yea. yea, i'm going to do that."

but he didn't because five's face was still on his mind as the man-child sat in the passenger seat, steaming and brooding, glaring out the window with his arms cross

all the seance could think about was how he disappointed his brother. 

* * *

 

klaus was too weak to travel to the kitchen after laying down in bed, despite the agreement to always be at dinner. talking to that lady was exhausting. she wasn’t difficult to talk to, but straining to bring her corporeal for his brothers was. he was still new to the whole thing and didn’t have as much practice as the others did with their powers. it was hard to come by a nice ghost he could actually converse with.

despite seeing how pale and shaky he was, five appeared in his bedroom for the second time that day. before klaus could even protest, the man-child placed a hand on his and he felt the crushing that came with five’s warping ability. smells assaulted his nose and talking grinded on his ears. oh, look, a headache.

five placed his brother down on a chair, watching in disdain as his curly head flopped onto the tablecloth. “klaus, we’re going to be eating and you have your head on the clean table?”

“oh, i’m sorry,” the seance started softly, lifting his head slightly to give the boy a flippant smile. “i was just rudely taken from my sweet haven, but no, of course, the tablecloth is more important.”

“klaus,” diego warned as he helped mom put bowls of food on the table.

“yea, you know, i’m really not in the mood. and, as lovely as this meal looks, thank you, mother dear, i’m three seconds from passing out,” klaus stated, trying to keep up his carefree attitude, but when his siblings pushed him, he lost his cool. 

“all you did was talk to a ghost,” luther said, shrugging. “why would you be tired?”

klaus groaned, letting his head flop again. he was pretty sure ben was glaring with the power of the sun at number one, sneering at his carelessness.

“alright, enough,” vanya said, voice strained. klaus tipped his head to look at her, finding her eyes lit with worry and anger. he had rarely seen her with emotions when they were growing up, well besides unsurety and envy. now, she was all kinds of things. he loved seeing her happy the most, and it pained him to see her like now. 

allison turned her notepad around.  _ JUST A FEW BITES AND THEN YOU CAN SLEEP. _

he scrunched his eyes close in annoyance, but allowed vanya to lay a small plate out in front of him. mom made spaghetti and meatballs. there was one meatball and a small pile of noodles on his plate. he huffed and watched the others dig in with fervor, friendly chatter replacing the tense atmosphere that followed him.

after the promised bites, which made his stomach bulge painfully, he rested his head in his hands, eyes shut. it didn’t help that along with his siblings chatter, there were several ghosts wandering around, screaming, pleading, crying.

a finger poked his arm and he glanced at his right where ben always sat. while chewing on his own food, the smaller male patted his thigh. klaus didn’t hesitate to comply, twisting to lay his head on ben’s leg and put his feet on the empty chair to his left. he was drifting faster than he had expected, since the few ghosts around were headache-inducing loud. maybe he has the hand brushing through his locks softly to thank for that.


	6. hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst and fluff. what more do you want?
> 
> the siblings don't understand klaus and klaus wasn't ready to share everything, but sometimes, things slip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this is trash, but i wanted you guys to have another chapter. i hope you guys enjoy ;)
> 
> kudos, comment, subscribe

training for everyone else was increasing. ben and vanya were away from the house with allison and five more than they had started out a few months ago. they were getting better at control and five said that the more they practiced, the easier it would become. klaus noticed that ben didn’t have stomach pains or movement that pulled on his torso like he did when they were younger. he also noticed that they had a lack of light bulb pops or things falling off shelves, and he couldn’t help the swell of pride at vanya’s progress. 

he complimented her after every time she got distressed, but didn’t let her powers overwhelm her. she blushed and bashfully thanked him.

allison was slowly gaining some use of her voice back, but kept it to the absolute minimum since it was still scratchy and hurt her vocal chords.

five was able to do more jumps than his previous capacity and with farther distances and objects he’d practice with his siblings on occasion, klaus eager to be of service.

luther didn’t break as much as before, reigning his strength in.

diego was using different objects than knives

everyone was progressing on their powers. 

well, everyone except for klaus.

ben was the only one who knew he was practicing alone and not boasting about his successes. well, if there were any. most days it was screaming, mutilated corpses, or wandering spirits. he couldn’t conjure the one he wanted and still had no idea how to send the annoying spirits away. he wanted to practice summoning them and making them tangible, but he still hadn’t found a spirit he knew wouldn’t go berserk. he often thought about going back to the lovely margaret richards to help him out, but he didn’t want to ask his siblings to take him while they were busy on their own training.

he didn’t want to burden them with his dumb, not important as the apocalypse issue.

so with everyone gone or busy, no one noticed klaus’s habits. mom and pogo were doing their own thing with their newfound freedom from being slaves for reginald douchebag hargreeves, so they didn’t quite pay attention to number four either.

mornings were less likely to be forgotten since they were getting klaus into a schedule of waking up before eleven and they usually ate together. lunches were more likely to be ignored since others were out and about on their own schedule. dinners were a toss of a coin whether or not someone decided to make dinner and if anybody was actually home.

so while the other six academy members thought klaus was improving on his eating habits, it was actually the exact opposite.

he couldn’t help that he constantly forgot to eat when the others weren’t home and there was no one to tell him when food was ready. he rarely went into the kitchen unless someone else was in there with him. there was nothing to tell him that ‘hey, you need food’ because the ghosts talked and yelled and the grumbling in his stomach was silent since his homelessness.

he was losing his sanity and appetite.

and nobody realized it until it was a little too late.

* * *

they were all at the table having dinner. allison made a point to have a family dinner at least twice a week. one of them would cook instead of mom, who would take the evening off to do whatever she wanted now that her boundaries and capabilities were larger than before. that night, vanya and diego cooked. both were getting closer than before, albeit diego still wasn’t happy with her going through with the feeding tube in klaus, he understood her concern and allowed no strong grudges to be held. 

they made stir fry.

the others were quick to dig into the food, along with the various sides. five made klaus’s plate as he sat hunched in his seat. there was very little on the plate, but enough to make klaus’s nose scrunched with disdain.

“eat and i’ll buy you better wool,” the fifty-eight year old brother bargained, knowing klaus was into knitting but only had the cheapest of material since he didn’t have the money for the best kind. he wasn’t allowed to pawn stuff off anymore and his heritance wouldn’t be given until he was a year sober, just to make sure he didn’t use it on drugs.

the deal made him perk. he had been wanting to make a blanket with a cool pattern he saw, but the rough material he had would be uncomfortable. he could handle a little stir fry right?

he was going to be rich in yarn and wool. he would drown his siblings in scarves and hats and blankets.

he nodded and took five’s outstretched hand. “no backing out this time?”

five rolled his eyes. “it was once and you were wasting my time,” he defended, taking his hand back and shovelling food into his mouth.

“you were tense. had to do something about it. and it was twenty for munchies,” klaus countered. “you also never answered my question.”

“i’m not discussing my relationship with delores at the dinner table.”

 “well, i got my answer now. can’t be satisfied by a mannequin, can you?”

“she was more than a sex companion, idiot.”

“which means you  _ were _ horny as hell.”

“i’m not talking about my sex life at the dinner table.”

“i could.”

“please don’t,” ben pleaded, having heard the whole conversation from his spot next to klaus.

klaus shrugged and pushed his food around, taking small bites here and there. “suit yourself, but it is quite the tale, if i do say so myself.”

the two rolled their eyes, before focusing back on eating.

klaus ate all but two pieces and ben felt bad as he comforted the moaning man as his stomach twisted and turned in pain from too much.

* * *

unnoticed. early on.

* * *

the next family dinner didn’t go as well as the last.

diego made his plate, which was chicken parmesan by allison and ben. he had nothing to bargain, not that klaus really wanted anything. well, he really didn’t feel like eating and would rather be sleeping than being at the table full of happy and conversing faces on his siblings. his hands were trembling worse than normal and there was a never ending itch underneath his skin.

as he twisted his fork around his food, he tried to stop the winces and flinches that overcame him as the ghosts overwhelmed his personal area. there were at least a dozen of them. they were begging, pleading, screaming, crying for him to save them, for him to do anything for them, to say goodbye to their children, or kill the man that killed them. do tasks he couldn’t do. he didn’t have a ben to push them away or tell them to fuck off. he had to do it himself, but he had no clue how to do that. he was grateful they couldn’t touch him since his energy reserves were so low, but their voices still burned his ears.

then he looked up to his siblings. they were conversing with each other, but each time they caught his eyes, he could see their pity and remorse. they were supposed to be empathetic, but not pitying because pitying was pathetic and made him seem weaker than he was. it didn’t help that sometimes it felt like luther and allison didn’t even care about him and were doing it out of sibling obligation. vanya cared, after being ignored and pushed away for decades, she of all people understood. allison and luther didn’t. he was sure all they cared about was themselves and their image.

but did the others really care too?

he was alone with the ghost of his dead brother who couldn’t touch him for over a decade. he had nothing but his dealers, drugs, and said brother. his life was a continuous loop of self destruction and no one decided to help him out, instead letting him continue. they didn’t care that he hated himself every day and no matter how hard he tried, god didn’t want him. no one wanted him. he was pathetic, scrawny, weak, useless. he stole and pawned, smoked and drank. why would anyone want him?

doubt. doubt. doubt. 

he dropped his fork with a loud clatter and pushed his hands into his ears

“shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up…” he whispered under his breath, trying to silence them but it didn’t work.

“klaus-”

a hand on his shoulder made him jump in fear.  _ they couldn’t touch him they couldn’t touch him they couldn’t- _

ben was staring in worry at his shaking brother, green eyes dancing around the room and face twisted in fright.

 “klaus, what’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“i want it to stop!” klaus choked, hands over his eyes as they flooded. he pressed his palms hard into his sockets. “i want it all to stop!”

“want what to stop?” vanya asked.

“the voices! the ghosts are so loud!” he sneered, stuttering a breath in. 

hands were around his wrists and for a second he thought it was the ghosts. his breath caught in his throat and his eyes opened instantly, only to find ben in front of him. touching him, chest heaving, alive.

“stay with me, klaus, okay? you can control them, push them away.”

klaus shook his head furiously. “not those ghosts,” he admitted, watching as confusion swam through ben’s eyes for a split second, before they hardened in realization. his thoughts, those ghosts.

“what is it now?” ben asked.

“they-” klaus started, keeping his eyes focused on the one brother who hadn’t left him in their thirty years of living. he couldn’t look at the others when he said it. “they just started and i don’t get why. it could be for personal gain and they don’t actually care. and- and then the-the thing-”

“is he talking about us?” luther bluntly asked.

ben’s eyes glared, but it wasn’t directed towards klaus. it was directed to their idiotic number one.

“if he is, we’re not doing this because we want to gain anything,” the blond continued. “we’re doing it because we’re family.”

klaus growled. “‘because we’re family’ my ass! i’ve been the black sheep of the family since day one. you never started caring until you found out dad sent you to the moon for nothing! you all suddenly care because he’s gone! i know what you’re all thinking, and-and the looks you give me! the things you think about me! the lies you tell me!” 

“klaus, we’re not lying to you. we care about you and are worried for you.”

“there you go again! and again! over a decade i was homeless, suffering a disorder and sleeping in back alleys, you guys couldn’t give two shits! the only person was ben and he was fucking  _ dead! _ he tried, despite knowing nothing would help. but none of you even thought to ask why the drugs? you thought for fun? ha, bitch, i wish it was that easy!”

“klaus-” ben said, hoping to ease the man into calming down, but he shook his head.

“no, the voices, the-the terrorizing screams and haunting cries of the dead people you can’t help. i couldn’t sleep! i couldn’t eat! i couldn’t function!” he screamed. “i  _ can’t  _ sleep! i  _ can’t  _ eat! i  _ can’t  _ function because  _ they’re always there! _ it’s not a fucking switch, i can’t turn it on and off as easily as you!”

he sobbed, knees collapsing under what little weight he had. ben was there to catch him instantly before he landed face first, just like always. they knelt there as four outright cried, clutching six’s sleeves with white knuckles. ben had never seen klaus break down as badly as right then. he had seen several episodes, but none as heartbreaking as this one.

“i fucking  _ died _ ,” he coughed. “how many times did i fucking  _ die _ ? how many times did i die and none of you were there or cared?”

ben shut his eyes tightly, before whispering, “216.”

klaus, beyond the tears and aching throat, chuckled hysterically. “217.”

the asian brother widened his eyes, gasps ran through the room. “when… when did you…?”

klaus shook his head, hiccuping as a new wave of tears rushed out of his eyes. ben embraced him tightly. klaus shoved his wet face into his black sweatshirt. “luther asked me to talk to dad. so i talked to dad.”

ben stiffened. “you told me you conjured him.”

klaus sniffled. “i didn’t want you to worry, bentacles.”

“klaus, you idiot,” the horror said, voice cracking slightly. “i’ll always worry about you. we always have each other right, deathly duo remember?”

“but- but you were so happy. you didn’t have to worry. you can live your own life,” klaus said. 

“i have all the time in the world,” ben argued. “and over a decade with you makes it impossible for me not to worry.” he paused, pushing his lips together and dipping his brows. “how… how did you do it?”

klaus pulled back slowly and lifted his shirt, showing off the small scar on his skin. the one thing about his deaths was that the wound was fixed magically, but there was a scar left behind. ben released a sharp breath, staring with guilt at the mark, fingers grazing it.

“you  _ stabbed _ yourself?” diego muttered, drawing their attention away from each other and reminding them that they weren’t alone. there was a reason klaus snapped and they were still there, listening. 

a shrug came from the addict. “luther just  _ needed  _ the information from daddy dearest and, i quote, ‘there’s no other way’, except for me. what was i supposed to tell you? i couldn’t do the one thing you all think i can do? that i’m actually as pathetic and useless as you all think i am?”

“that’s not true-” diego started.

“ _ don’t lie _ ,” he hissed, glaring sharply at them. “i’m tired of it. and-and you’re acting like the stab was the first time i had died.”

“217,” five stated simply, but his usual cold gaze was replaced with remorse and self-loathing. it was startling coming from the kid who couldn’t care less about half the things going on. “you let him die 217 times?”

luther snapped a sharp look at him. “what do you mean ‘us’?”

five’s eyes pointed daggers at the blond. “need i remind you i was gone for 45 years my time, 17 years your time. there was no way in hell that i knew what was going on, number one. if i did… if i did, maybe things would be different,” he said, voice softening at the end.

klaus felt bad for five suddenly, despite feeling anger towards all his siblings seconds ago. he was right, however. five had been missing for over a decade and a half for them. he had no idea what had been going on. he wasn’t sure what his brother would’ve done for him if he hadn’t disappeared, but perhaps their family wouldn’t have been so split if he had stayed.

“when - when allison got her throat cut… i didn’t hesitate to help because i knew what it was like to be so close to leaving, buti knew she didn’t want to leave because of vanya and claire. unfinished business and all… but i died at the rave luther was at and all he cared about was the information i got from dad,” klaus explained, face blank, but words hurt. “you guys had so much care and-and fear that diego pushed through his phobia of needles to save her.”

he shook his head and pulled away from ben, standing on wobbly legs. ben reached out to steady him, but he gently pushed his hands away. “i’m… i’m going to go to bed.”

“but klaus-” 

“no. i’m done. i’m tired. i’m going to bed,” he stated firmly, hugging the wall to prevent himself from falling over as he slowly made his way to his room. no one followed him, which he couldn’t decide if his heart soared or dropped when he realized. 

once he reached his room, utterly out of breath, shaking violently, and sweating profusely, he decided that it didn’t matter. all that mattered was his face in his pillow, fast asleep.

~!~

noticed. too little, too late.

* * *

no one came up for breakfast, or lunch. klaus remained alone with the hysterically teenage girl in the corner of his room. he had been half tempted to ask her and if she okay. he wanted to be useful for once, but if he talked to her, then he had to talk to all of them.

klaus allowed his stomach to rumble desperately as he laid in bed, scribbling nonsense on a piece of paper. the hollow cold that followed didn’t cause him worry or pain, only annoyance at how insistent it was. it made him uncomfortable and he shivered, stacking another blanket on his person that already had three. he was bored and annoyed.

he opened his window around lunchtime and smoked a cigarette, something to help him ignore everything. for some reason he was craving doughnuts, but that was the last thing he wanted. he really wanted to leave his stuffy room, but didn’t want to interact with his siblings. well, he really wanted ben, then he would try to convince the medium to eat crackers and soup. he still wanted his brother. however, calling for him would draw the others attention and that was a no-no.

“asshole with the cigarette that looks similar to a blunt,” a voice called from below his window. he looked down and couldn’t help the grin on his face. ben was smiling up at him with his hands in his hoodie.

“griddys is open and slow,” he commented with a small shrug.

“are you paying?” klaus asked.

“like a dead guy has cash,” ben scoffed, holding up a twenty. “diego’s treat.”

the medium shrugged, then started climbing out the window after snatching a jacket and shoes. “as long as i’m not.”

once he made to ground floor with ben, he shoved his shoes on and bundled into his coat, cursing the whipping wind. ben chuckled and allowed his brother to hold his hand all the way to the doughnut shop. they didn’t really speak much, but klaus rambled like always, complaining about the teenage girl still following him and how utterly bored he was, mentioning how he could go clubbing without the drugs and alcohol. ben said if he wanted, even though it was a bad and tempting idea, he’d go with him just in case.

“my guardian angel~” klaus sung, blinking heart eyes at his brother, who rolled his eyes.

there was no one but two truck drivers in the shop when they entered. the two siblings took a booth on the side of the room, sat across and arguing if lemon or boston creme was better.

a woman who was new came up to them with a small, nervous smile. “what can i get, boys?”

klaus opened his mouth, but ben was quicker. “he’ll have a lemon and chocolate milk. i’ll have a plain and orange juice.”

she wrote down their order, smiled then left. klaus groaned as soon as she was earshot away. “i wanted coffee,” he whined.

“the last thing you need is caffeine,” ben replied, leaning back in his seat. he watched his brother fidget with the silverware.

“you can stop dancing around it, ben,” the seance cut through his thoughts. “you want to talk about yesterday.”

ben was a little surprised that klaus was straightforward. he was the one who usually danced around subjects he didn’t want to talk about, avoiding the conversation in any way he could.

“yes, but no. the others should talk to you about everything-”

the woman dropped off their drinks and doughnuts, asking if they needed anything else. ben politely answered ‘no thanks’, as klaus played with the condensation on his cup. he didn’t move to touch his doughnut, as she left.

“you know you can come to me for anything, right?” ben asked, brows pinched upward in concern.

klaus nodded, muttering a soft, “i know,” without looking up.

“so why didn’t you come to me when you couldn’t conjure dad and chose to-” six cut himself off, swallowing roughly. over a decade with hundreds of overdoses, seeing his brother dead, foaming at the mouth with cold, bland eyes was a heartbreaking recurrence. he was more upset to find out he hadn’t even gone with pills, instead one of diego’s knives. he couldn’t imagine the scene without feeling bile in his throat.

four shrugged. “you have your own life now. you don’t need to worry about little old me.”

“but having my own life again means i can help you more than i could before. we made a promise.” he reached over and clasped his hands on the cold, pale ones of his brother. they responded, gripping as hard as they could.

“i’m just a burden,” klaus said, laughing bitterly. “i’m pathetic and weak. i’m just holding you down.”

ben looked taken back. “who the hell said that because i didn’t.”

klaus looked away. “no one needed to say it for me to know that’s what everyone's thinking.”

ben shook his head, sternly staring at the man across from him. “klaus, listen to me and listen well. you are my best friend and i’ve never lied to you before. so i’m not lying when i say you are not a burden, you are not pathetic and you are not weak. you trust me right?”

klaus looked startled at the question, scrambling to reassure. “of course, i do! if i didn’t, i’d be dead seven ways to hell years ago. you, i trust the most after everything we’ve been through. the others have nothing on us and they’re a different story.”

“well since you trust me, stop listening to everyone else. we’ve been at each other’s side for years. i know how you work. they don’t,” ben said.

klaus sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “i know, i know… but they’re just trying to help.”

“they hurt you when they tried to help,” ben corrected, eyebrows furrowed deeply. 

“minus diego and five,” klaus added.

number six gave a little grin. “one of them is paying for this wonderful meal.”

number four giggled, eyes travelling down to said meal. his smile wiped from his face instantly at the sight of food, adam’s apple bobbing as his swallowed hard. “ben-”

“i know,” ben said before he needed to explain anything, retracting his hands to pick up his own doughnut. “you don’t have to eat all of it, but that means you have to eat most of your dinner.”

klaus pouted, earning a chuckle from his  best brother. he did as he was told and ate half the doughnut before declaring that as amazing as it was, he couldn’t handle it. ben didn’t argue his limits, only wearing a proud look before asking the woman for a takeout bag.

* * *

ben and klaus entered the house with klaus singing slightly off key to a new age song while ben followed behind with an amused smile. it had started with a debate over which music decade was better, ben arguing the 90s and klaus arguing the 2010s. there was strong arguments on both sides, but then klaus settled it by saying the 80s were the best. 

“we weren’t even alive for the 80s,” ben had argued.

“doesn’t mean it wasn’t good, benji,” klaus rebutted, then belted queen as loudly as he could on the top of his lungs.

and that’s where they were, klaus singing killer queen as he slid into the foyer, ben closing the doors behind him.

their playfulness was quick to end however as someone cleared their throat from the threshold of the living room. klaus and ben turned, faces falling at the sight of luther in the doorway and their other siblings behind him.

“what’s this?” ben asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. as much as he hoped that they would talk about klaus’s outburst yesterday, he wished they didn’t do it at such a horrible time. he had just gotten klaus to relax and have some fun, but they were ruining it by bringing it back up.

“we need to talk,” luther stated, voice serious and eyes determined.

“yea, that’s not a statement we’ve heard before that only ends up in a screaming match and nothing is resolved,” klaus responded sarcastically, hand coming up to clutch at ben’s jacket. the dark eyed male noticed of course, sending an empathetic look to his brother.

klaus clearly didn’t want to talk about it, using sarcasm as a defense and ben as a barrier and comfort. however, they were clearly going to make him talk about it.

“this is important,” luther stressed, face pinching with impatience. the man had little tolerance for klaus when they were children, and it didn’t change as they got older. however, he was still blind to when one of his siblings didn’t want to do something they were uncomfortable with.

“yes, but i have an appointment with my bed. i scheduled it yesterday for two o’clock and you know how punctual i love to be,” klaus replied with a nonchalant shrug and impish grin on his lips. 

“klaus,” diego snapped from behind luther. the large blond stepped out of the way for two so he could glare at the green eyed brother. “this is serious business that revolves around you. we need to talk and figure things out.”

“we can figure things out after i sleep,” klaus argued, backtracking slowly to the steps, ben effectively following. 

_ “klaus,”  _ five snapped suddenly appearing between the two groups. “we’re trying to help you and understand. we can’t do that if you don’t talk to us.”

“what’s there to talk about?” the seance questioned incredulously, throwing his hands up in defeat as he stopped. his eyes weren’t upset, but tired and unhappy. “that you didn’t care about me when i was living homeless for over a decade? that because we’re all magically living together again makes us a real family again? not that we ever were one,” he muttered the last part under his breath.

that earned protests from them, but ben and five stayed quiet. ben had seen them grow apart and five hadn’t seen them past age thirteen, when they were all competing for reginald’s attention. however, diego, luther, allison, and vanya thought otherwise.

“that is not fair.”

“we were a family!”

allison simply shook her head with a twisted face.

“at least we tried!”

“tried?” klaus repeated, giving a fake laugh. “tried is not the same as actually being one. i know i was high half the time, but at least i listened to vanya play her violin, at least i gave allison a sibling she could doll up, at least i was patient with diego when we were kids, at least i didn’t let luther go off on his own to a club and tried to help him through his problems in ways i never got! at least i remembered all of you!” 

he was huffing by the end of it, feeling the burning of tears. he could still feel the scars, the sweat, could still hear hazel and cha-cha’s voices. the mud and dirt and heat of vietnam, the bodies of his fallen brothers, and  _ dave _ . it was all a year ago for him, simply a few months for them, but he could remember it all like it happened yesterday.

“i gave you a chance to help me,” he continued after shakily sucking in a breath. “but you looked at me like a child, helpless, pathetic. the least you could do is actually put some faith into me.”

“klaus,” vanya called. “you’re right.” the others started to protest again, but five quickly hushed them. “we’re pretty shitty and we’ve mentioned this before. we’re obviously not perfect either. we all have our issues. i’m not excusing what we did, assuming things about you, but i’m apologizing because i didn’t realize how badly it had hurt you. if anyone understands what that’s like, it’s me and i should’ve known better. i’m sorry.”

that was a lot of words for little number seven. klaus and ben shared a wide eyed look, before schooling them stoic. “just let ben handle me, yea? he’s had a lot of practice through the years.”

she gave him a side smile. “yea, but doesn’t mean i’m not going to worry.”

“worry, sure,” ben added with a shrug. “pity, no thanks.”

“deal,” vanya stated, then turned to the others with a questioning look.

diego didn’t hesitate to agree. five paused, but agreed. allison bit her lower lip before nodding. luther looked like he was going to disagree before he reluctantly said ‘fine’ in an exasperated voice.

“good,” klaus stated, bright grin on his lips as he beamed. “now, i’m late for my appointment, mon amis.”

* * *

there was a knock on his door, startling him slightly, but he called for the person to enter. he had really wanted a nap, but a few of the ghosts were being a bit too loud and he didn’t remember where he left his walkman and ben had already gone to find another book to read. the door slowly creaked open and in stepped five looking sheepish with several bags from the arts and craft store.

“i… i didn’t know which color you wanted so i bought basics. mom helped.”

klaus gaped at him, shocked that he had actually kept up his end of the bargain. he slid out from under his covers and relieved the teenager of the bags.

“five… i… “

“what?” the boy raised an eyebrow, pursing his lips and shoving his hands into his schoolboy short pockets. “did you not think i would do it?”

“well, most people don’t,” klaus answered, looking to his smaller brother, who’s eyes softened only slightly with realization. “it’s okay. thank you so much for this. i really wanted to make a blanket and ben a scarf. he gets phantom chills sometimes still.”

“i should look into that for him,” five said. “i’m sure it’s not a pleasant feeling, or the easiest thing to look into.”

klaus shook his head. “nope, but he would appreciate the sentiment of trying to find out.”

five nodded and turned on his heel, strutting out of the room with a newfound purpose. klaus smiled at his retreating form before feeling every single ball of wool and deciding which colors were best for a blanket.

perhaps he should make five a hat.


	7. learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby steps, hotels, and misunderstandings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its not much of a chapter I'M SORRY
> 
> but i started art school! so i'm pretty packed with working on projects and whatnot.
> 
> also i wrote majority of these chapters prior to publishing, but ch 6 and 7 weren't written, so that's why they're trash.
> 
> thank you!

five stood by his word and allowed klaus to have waffles at least once a week, much to everyone’s but ben’s disapproval. klaus didn’t understand why they didn’t like the idea of waffles when it was one thing he was for sure going to eat. he could never waste the precious, crunchy beauties. they were always so satisfying. 

however, luther promoted protein shakes with the waffles, diego suggested added fruit (which wasn’t a bad idea), allison wanted it completely off the menu, and vanya wanted to lower the amount he wanted to eat. two waffles wasn’t a bad amount. if anything it was pretty healthy for him. klaus shut down all, but diego, since he was ‘a slut for strawberries’.

so the first day, klaus eagerly ate waffles that mom had made with cut up pieces of strawberries on top with syrup. five glanced at him once, nodded in approval, before sipping his coffee and going over equations. ben had his own batch of waffles with blueberries, chuckling at the happy smile on his brothers face. diego settled for eggs and vanya had toast. luther and allison hadn’t been down yet, but mom said luther made one of his shakes not half an hour ago.

“good. thank christ he didn’t have leftovers,” klaus commented, messing with a strawberry in the syrup.

“klaus, i have some protein shake left for you,” the big man called out, entering the room with an awkward smile. klaus stared at him with a deadpanned look, while diego and ben lost it over the fact that he jinxed himself. five rolled his eyes but had an amused smile. vanya watched with wide eyes.

“no thanks, brother dearest. i’m content with fake sugar, real sugar, and everything in between,” the seance answered, standing with his three-fourths eaten plate and dumped the contents into the trash before washing it off. mom took it to put it in the dishwasher, something diego thought would be more efficient and easier than mom hand washing each dish.

“but what about-”

“nah, i’m quite full,” klaus cut him off as he laid his chin on top of ben’s. “what’s on today’s agenda, bendana?”

“letting me eat this food, for one,” he answered, popping a forkful of baked batter into his mouth. “two, don’t know. we could work on your powers again.”

klaus tried hiding his face of disgust. he hated training his power because it reminded him of what he couldn’t do, conjure the one he loves, and it always made the ghosts more agitated than usual because they realize they’re getting attention.

ben saw his expression and smiled reassuringly. “or we could do something else.”

ben hated his powers as much as klaus did. klaus only favored his powers when he was able to see the ghost of his dead brother, but now that he was alive and well, there wasn’t much to love about it. ben could never like the monsters that dwelled in the depths of his torso, jerking and screeching. there was no control over them since they had their own minds. 

“i’ve been meaning to finish that blanket for you,” the seance commented offhanded. “and i know there are several books you’ve been wanting to catch up on.”

ben nodded in approval. “fine by me.”

* * *

 

the waffles were good, but it made his stomach feel like a water balloon and it hurt. he shouldn’t have eaten that much, but it was the first thing that didn’t make him nauseous. ben was beside him as he grumbled and whined, book open with one hand and the other rubbing his back. klaus’s attention was going back and forth between knitting and moaning.

“i’m going to throw it up.”

ben sent him a look. “don’t. just think of something else.”

klaus whimpered. “like what?”

“do you want me to explain my book to you?”

klaus’s only option was thinking about how much he wanted drugs, how much he missed dave, and his self deprecating thoughts. he supposed ben’s boring books would do. he nodded and ben started explaining the plot in large detail to prolong the distraction.

* * *

his curtains were drawn closed, his fairy lights were turned off, and the door was tightly shut. if anybody looked into his room, they would find him a blanketed lump on his bed. one would think that he was sleeping, but if they listened closer, they could hear his tiny sniffles, his choked sobs, and his breaking heart.

for months he’s been trying to conjure the one he loves still and there’s been no word. he tried to conjure some old pals of his from his platoon, but all have seemed to pass on or he wasn’t good enough to even conjure them, leading him to believe that he was gone and he would never be able to talk to him again, or he was simply pathetic and still couldn’t control his powers.

it broke his heart. and pushed him back into his depression shell.

he could hear his siblings below, talking and laughing. he thought they were playing some sort of game, or watching a movie or something. he couldn’t recall the last time he had heard all of their laughs. they were different laughs from when they were children, but they were always his siblings. five’s was different too, quieter and contained. luther’s was boisterous. vanya’s was a tiny giggle. allison’s was loud. diego’s were muffled. ben’s was a small chuckle.

it was nice to hear.

he wished he could join whatever they were doing, but he knew he’d simply ruin the happy attitude with his depressive tension. they’d question it instantly and the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it.

he just wanted to be fully happy again, but he couldn’t. not without his love. his love from a different time period. his love that died in his arms. his love that he could see, but wasn’t able to because he was useless and pathetic like reggie dearest told him since he was young.

it wasn’t the first time these feelings had hit him so hard. it wasn’t even the second time. he had lost count of how many days there were when all he wanted to do was to end everything as he laid numb in his bed, ignoring everything. all he wanted was to be alone.

however, his family, besides ben, didn’t understand those days and would barge into his room, demanding he spend time with them or do something else besides ‘be lazy’. of course, he didn’t argue, complain yes, argue no. he never wanted to set the others’ sensitive concern alarm off. next they would tell him to go to a therapist. he had ben, he was fine.

although he didn’t argue, all he wanted to do was strangle someone’s neck and tell them to fuck off, even if they were his beloved siblings. he wanted to snap and tell them off because they didn’t understand boundaries and cues to back off. he was too tired to do so, or felt too much guilt when thinking about it, so he refrained and took it.

today was one of those days. where he felt miserable and one of his siblings decided he just absolutely needed to join them!

he had actually glared at diego and allison when they came to his room practically demanding he join them. he hadn’t had much of a choice when his weakened body was picked up by diego and he was thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. he protested all the way downstairs, until he was unceremoniously dropped beside ben. he silenced, crossing his arms and looking away from them all.

“come on, klaus. just a few rounds,” luther bargained, but it was still asking for a lot on a day where his mood was absolute trash.

the ex-junkie glanced at his  favorite brother, who shrugged in response. “i’m just as stuck as you are. suffer together?”

klaus sighed, rubbing a hand up and down his face before leaning into ben tiredly. he felt a hand in his hair instantly, easing his tense shoulders.

“what are we even playing?” he questioned. 

“monopoly.”

he was up instantly. “oh hell no.” only to be pulled right back down onto the couch when five appeared suddenly and shoved his chest. 

“no leaving,” the man-child commanded, before transporting next to vanya.

klaus rolled his eyes, groaning in annoyance. “this is going to be a long day…”

* * *

he ended up getting boardwalk and park place, along with two other full colors. he was second to vanya, who seemed to be the only one who knew how to handle money out of all of them. he didn’t really know how to handle money, but he knew what to buy and what not to buy in monopoly.

five almost flipped the board. diego landed a knife in the jail box. allison made indents of her metal character in her hand. luther crushed a few hotels.

ben had been the calmest, shrugging it off and assisting klaus when the man had gotten confused. vanya was patient until he lost all his money and she was declared the victor.

“you guys are just salty because the brokest sibling was second place,” klaus stated.

several hotels, houses, and metal characters were thrown at him in annoyance

* * *

despite being sleep deprived, weak, and overwhelmed, klaus still saw the looks his siblings were giving him. concern, disgust, confusion, annoyance. it was a wide variety of mostly negative emotions, which was making him agitated since they weren’t discreet about it at all. ben was the only one who wasn’t giving him odd looks, unsurprisingly.

klaus was pushed over the edge when one night at their family dinner he hadn’t touched an ounce of his food. he hadn’t even picked up his fork to push the meal around. he simply stared at the side of a pot and tried desperately to block out the voices screaming at him. his head was pounding incessantly, making him nauseous and tired.

he had seen the looks he was getting from his siblings. allison looked like she wanted to ask something, vanya bit her lip in silent worry, luther was angrily glaring at him, diego was glancing between his plate and face, and five looked ready to force feed him.

“you know, for being child superheroes, you guys can’t hide your emotions for shit,” he commented, gaze dancing between them.

“you’re not eating,” diego pointed out the obvious. 

“yea… and?”

“it’s dinner time. you should be eating. you haven’t touched your fork,” luther stated, annoyance on his tongue. the small sound of metal creaking during his statement.

“i’m not feeling well,” klaus responded in a sickly sweet voice. “so i’m not eating.”

“you have to eat at least a little bit,” the blond argued, but it was weak and wasn’t very convincing to klaus. 

“are you okay, klaus?” five asked, voice boarding concern. he wasn’t as harsh as the others.

“you’ve been acting a bit off lately,” diego added.

ben and klaus shared a confused look, before looking back at the others. klaus hadn’t been acting any different from his normal self. ben of all people would know if there was any sort of change to his brother, but he hadn’t seen anything, so diego’s statement threw them off.

“klaus is fine,” ben responded, tilting his head.

“why is this surprising you?” he asked, curious as to why they were in disbelief over his actions.

“because you haven’t always been like this.”

“you were always so happy.”

“where is this coming from?”

“have you been taking again?”

the last comment always struck a nerve for the very sober man.

“i’ve always been like this!” he snapped, effectively shutting up his complaining siblings.

eyes were widened as his words settled on their shoulders. “what…”

“what do you mean you’ve always been like this?” five demanded, voice wavering only slightly. it amazed klaus how he could control his emotions. allison and vanya were teary eyed, diego looked horrified, and luther looked like he was trying to figure out a way to debunk klaus’s statement. ben stood behind the seance with a solemn look on his face.

klaus sighed, glancing at his favorite brother, who nodded in reassurance. “since we were kids… i always ate less. whether it be because the ghosts made it taste like dirt and blood, or because daddy dearest thought it would be the right punishment for back-talking or not doing an assignment right,” he explained, rubbing his arms, uncomfortable with the looks his five siblings were giving him. his green eyes were gazing down at the floor. “it simply got… it was on a higher level by the time i left the house, being homeless and broke and high. i only ever ate when i had the munchies.”

“if that,” ben commented. “sometimes he didn’t have enough money for munchies, so he’d give up and sleep.”

klaus gave him the biggest grin he could, which, for him, surprisingly wasn’t wide. it made ben look at him worriedly. “you know me so well, benny boy.”

“you’re saying the reginald ‘number one douchebag’ is responsible for your eating disorder?” five reiterated.

“him and the ghosts,” klaus confirmed with a shrug. “you all think this is going to be fixed in a day when it has been developing for almost twenty-five years. i’m not going to magically eat three full course meals a day. i’m not going to be able to stand some smells or tastes or textures for a while. i’m not going to be able to even finish a whole plate of food, so i need all of you to back off on your expectations of me. which, quite frankly, are high for someone with my reputation.”

“there’s no way that dad did this,” luther argued, which didn’t surprise anyone since the man was always defending the dead asshole.

“he punished us all different,” ben stated sharply. “diego was forced to read out loud, allison had extra study work,, i had to use my powers, and klaus didn’t get to eat. you hardly got punished because you were his favorite.”

“but-”

“guys,” klaus cut them off, not willing to hear anymore arguing. he was sick of it. the screaming and yelling and comparing. “we didn’t tell you this because we wanted to compare and cry over our awful little childhoods. we told you because you can’t seem to understand or get it through your heads that my life is shit and i’ve got issues, but i’m dealing with them. like five is dealing with his ptsd, like diego is dealing with his grief. my shit isn’t any different.

“but-” his green eyes landed on his blond brother, darkening in agitation, “don’t call someone a liar. just because you think daddy dearest was the most amazing person on the planet, even after sending you off of it, doesn’t mean he was the good guy.”

he stood from his chair, picking up his plate and scraping the food back into the bowls. he hadn’t touched them, they were still good for someone else to eat. he washed his dish, before throwing up a peace sign on his way out.

“i’m going to bed!” he shouted.


End file.
